Mx Nillin’s Monthly Refap: October 2016

I really enjoyed doing September’s Monthly Refap as it allowed me the opportunity to reflect on a lot of the big developments happening in my life right now. Between my internship, experiencing transphobic estrangement from family, going through a lot of career upheaval, heavy struggles with mental health, feeling lost in my transition, and finding myself receiving a number of exciting opportunities, it would be easy for me to become overwhelmed and to retreat or breakdown. Instead, taking stock of it all feels a lot better!

So, what have I been doing besides playing copious amounts of Battlefield 1 on PS4? Well…


Blog Related Stuff

NOTE: On November 24, 2016, my original blog was permanently suspended by WordPress because of their anti-porn and anti-sex work policies. Due to this, all of the links below are no longer functional. But, each of the below posts have been rescheduled for future Thursday updates!

Starting near the end of September, through early October, I was pickup up steam with posting about once every 3 or 4 days. However, midway through the month I got HELLA sick, which took a whole lot of the wind out of my sails for a solid week-and-a-half. Boo. But I was able to find the energy to get in one last post just before Halloween! Here are all of the posts that went up this month:


Sex Ed Stuff

This month I got site access privileges for the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (CSPH) so that I could schedule my own posts during the remainder of my Fall internship.  I put together a Week in Review post for October 14 as well as a Word of the Week post on Orgasmic Meditation.

Having access to the site has really empowered me in my intern role and has helped me feel a lot more useful overall. It has also allowed me to help other members of the CSPH staff with quick page updates or site additions when they’re too busy to do those little tasks.

I’m now hard at work helping to go through their LGBTQIA+ support page to update links and add new resources.

Aside from my internship work, a lot of my focus this past month has been on reading the work of other sex bloggers to learn from their unique approaches toward talking about sex and just get a sense of how to write effective interviews and product reviews.

While there are a lot of really outstanding sex toy review blogs out there, what I’m really digging are the more contemplative and introspective blogs. In particular I’m REALLY enjoying Formidable Femme and Echo Explores‘ writing as of late. A lot of their content just really speaks to me and inspires me to think way outside my own perspectives and experiences.

Girly Juice‘s blog also continues to be a huge favorite of mine because there are frequent updates and you get everything from personal experience pieces to advice posts, sex songs, and fun write ups on what sort of sex toys she imagines her favorite TV show character uses. Plus, I’ve learned a LOT about spanking and impact play, which is something I never really thought about extensively or explored much until seeing her posts.


More Queer Porn, the Tate Modern Museum of London, Cat Tails, and Cum Photography

– I participated in two more #SexEdPornReviews panels for the Crash Pad Series. Both were really hot in distinctly different ways. Episode 224 (featuring Vivi Marie, Sal Marquez, & Luka Peona) consisted of an awesome three-some chock full of facesitting, cocksucking, rimming, handjobs, and great communication, while Episode 225 (featuring Eden Alexander & Chelsea Poe) had a very different feel as it showcased stellar sub/dom talk, a great display of basic BDSM accessories, and what were quite possibly my favorite orgasms of the year.

– In “holy shit this is awesome” news, over the October 21-23 weekend my essay How Learning About Queer Porn Taught Me Self Love was among a handful of written pieces selected for the BEDFELLOWS: Porn as Pedagogy exhibit at the Tate Modern Museum in London, England. Holy shit, right!?

– For the first time ever, I had an orgasm and ejaculated from having my frenulum stimulated with a Shibari wand. I’ve been tryign to get there for a long time but it just wasn’t happening before. But this weekend my partner was playing with my girl cock all afternoon while we were hanging out on the couch, teasing me, even edging me. After about a half-an-hour she pulled out the Shibari, place it on the frenulum just below my cock head and, like, 3 minutes later I’m a cum covered, whimpering mess. It was fuckin’ awesome!

– Earlier in the month I ordered my first ever tail and ears on Kitten’s Playpen. The whole set is REALLY cute, comes with a grey tail, matching ears, a pink and grey collar, as well as a pink tail bow. Seriously can’t wait until it gets here to wear on days I want to feel pretty. Oh, and to take adorably slutty photos with.

– Coincidentally, I find myself feeling more and more drawn to fur and yiff art and communities. I’ve been seriously contemplating commissioning an artist to draw up a furry for me based upon myself. A cute, sexy, nerdy, furry version of Mx Nillin who can make appearances in some posts on the subject as I write about it! Some of my favorite art styles include the work of Hensa, vagab0nda, ozoozou, and pollo-chan. Unfortunately, most of them are not taking commissions any time soon and I’d really like a cute, sexy, Mx Nillin fur drawing within the relatively near future. If anyone has any recommendations of furry artists with similar styles who would not be opposed to sexy, bordering on 18+ commissions, please let me know!

– As mentioned last month, I always regretted deleting my old sex work blog after feeling shamed, intimidated, and pressured to do so in order to serve in a public leadership role and avoid “controversy”. Well, I restarted it up under a porn pseudonym and I’m feeling REALLY great about it! It’s not something I’ll be sharing publicly but it’s something I’ve been super excited about and I’d just like to encourage anyone out there thinking about posting their own anonymous nudes to do it. Don’t shame yourself or let other do it for you. You have every right to express your sexuality however you desire (within legal boundaries of course).

– I’ve always loved cum. I love the way it feels, the way it tastes, and most of all, the way it looks splattered all over just about everything. Lately I’ve started taking pictures of my cum after ejaculating and, as weird as it may sound, there have been some pretty beautiful and erotic resulting photos. Not really sure where I’m going with any of this, but I’ve been sharing some of them on my Twitter, if you’re interested.



Another booty shot, this one of candid, sleepy, Nillin. I mean, who wouldn’t want to climb up on that in the morning? I know I would!


Continue Reading

When EVERY day is “Coming Out Day”

So, it’s National Coming Out Day 2016 and everybody is sharing their coming out stories and celebrating being out with friends, family, and followers on social media. Which is all good, of course, but the day is not without it’s privileges. While quite a few people are out and living their lives to the best of their abilities, many have lost everything since coming out.

They’ve lost their home, their job, their place in their community, their friends, family, possible even their marriage or any other relationships. Some lost their lives, either from a hate crime or death by suicide. Many queer and trans POC face profound amounts of aggression, intimidation, and violence from all aspects of society; all while also being ignored, invalidated, minimized, and pushed aside by  LGBTQ+ organizations and “communities” that seem aggressively unwilling to address racism in any form whatsoever.

Due to all of that, and more, COUNTLESS simply cannot come out at all because it would be emotionally, psychologically, financially, professionally, socially, and/or physically unsafe for them to do so.

So, while celebrating coming out day please ensure that you take the time to check yourself and acknowledge that there is a LOT of work to be done for vulnerable queer peeps all over.

Personally, the day isn’t all that significant to me because as a visibly queer, non-binary trans, and non-monogamous person who defies most everybody’s expectations of gender and sexuality in my small, highly conservative town… I’ve never stopped coming out. In fact, I come out literally every single day, often multiple times a day.


I come out every time I go to the mall and literally everybody’s head turns as I walk by.

I come out every time a kid asks me “are you a boy or a girl?” [seriously, daily]

I come out ever single time that same kid’s parents pull them away from me, physically force them to look away, scoff at me, or tell them I’m “just confused” or “sick”.

I come out every time a bus driver, drive thru worker, gas station attendant, retail salesperson, server, barista, etc. misgenders me numerous times throughout our brief interaction despite me politely correcting them. [again, daily]

I come out every time I need to go to the bathroom in public and strangers intensely stare me down for daring to even consider approaching either door.

I come out every time I go clothes shopping and staff doesn’t know what their “policy is” on people like me trying on clothes.

I come out every time somebody walks into my place of employment and sees me behind my desk wearing a dress, skirt, blouse, etc.

I come out every time somebody throws something at me from their car, screams a slur at me, follows me around as I walk down the street, or corners me outside a building.

I come out every time somebody asks my partner if she’s married.

I come out every time I meet somebody new and have to introduce myself for the first time.

I come out every time I walk into a party or social gathering and everybody stops talking.

I come out every time I’m not perfectly clean shaven, or their is any visible hair on my arms, legs, or chest.

I come out every time somebody’s eyes go wide as they notice my D-cup tits.

I come out every time somebody can’t stop glaring down at my crotch.


And so on and so forth. Ultimately, I don’t think any of us ever fully stops “coming out” and, unfortunately, I don’t think that is going to change any time soon. Yes, you and I know that queer people have been around for literally thousands of years, throughout all of recorded history, but, most everybody else doesn’t seem to get that yet. We’re still an enormous conundrum to politicians, leaders, lawmakers, policy makers, and society as a whole. Which is super fucking frustrating and sucks ass on the best of days.

All that being said, if you are out I supposed it is worth taking a moment to acknowledge the gigantic “fuck you” that you’re giving everybody by simply existing outside arbitrary social roles and expectations. Because fuck that shit, am I right!?

*Feature image from Aloys Neil Mark Fleischmann

Continue Reading