Mx Nillin’s Monthly Refap: November 2016

This was a month of some pretty intense ups and downs. It was simultaneously my most productive to date in terms of content generation, and also the most devastating as I saw 9-months of hard work go up in flames just last week. Now I’m in the process of rebuilding my site from the ground up, while also anticipating another hosting service move in January. Ugh.

Anyway, be sure to read through to the end, where you’ll find my favorite slutty picture of me this month… well, my favorite that doesn’t involve fully exposed girl cock, at least.

 


Blog Related Stuff

Things started off pretty great, I was getting up a post every 4-5 days and I felt like each of them was really solid! But then my mxnillin.wordpress.com blog was permanently suspended and I had to spend the vast majority of the later part of the month trying to salvage whatever I could. Long story short, I’m now self-hosting here at mxnillin.com and I’m basically starting over. New posts will be going up every Monday and Thursday, with Monday updates being brand new content never published before and Thursday updates being re-posts from the original wordpress blog. Read the full story here.

 


Sex Ed Stuff

My Fall internship at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (CSPH) is quickly coming to a close. While I did apply to continue for another semester into Spring 2017, I haven’t heard for sure whether or not I’ll be back. Should I not be accepted to continue in Spring of 2017, I hope to still volunteer and/or contribute to the CSPH in some form. But this does have me thinking, whether it is right now, or in a few more months, my internship time with the CSPH will end and when it does… what do I do next?

It’s a big question. One that I haven’t really thought about since beginning my internship a couple of months ago in September. I guess the real question is: where do I want to be with all of this and how do I plan on getting there?

Anyway, this month my writing and website intern work included doing the Week in Review for November 4th, as well as a Word of the Week post on “Netflix and Chill“. I wish I had done more but it was a tough month that ultimately required me to balance things the best I could.

 


Kinkly’s Top 100, Oh Joy Sex Toy, Cocksucking, and Awesome Threesomes

– The month kicked off with me learning that I had been ranked at #6 for New Blogs of the year, and #35 overall, in Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes 2016 contest. While there has been a lot of completely valid criticism of the contest, it still felt nice to be recognized and included among so many inspiring writers.

– While this could technically have been included in the Sex Ed Stuff section above because it concerns a post I wrote for the CSPH blog… it’s just so fuckin’ cool I really wanted it to stand out on its own! I had the AWESOME opportunity to interview Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan, creators of Oh Joy Sex Toy, about the release of Volume 3 of their collected work and an upcoming coloring book. Eeeeee!

– Once again I was invited back to the #SexEdPornReviews panel to live tweet about a couple more queer porn shoots from Crash Pad Series. Episode 226 (featuring Max Madame and Barbary Rose) had outstanding spanking, chest hitting, sub/dom talk, and a surprising amount of cum play, while Episode 227 (featuring Scout and Lew Pine) proved to be a pretty revolutionary watch for me as it showcased incredibly hot sex between genderqueer folk with all of their clothes on.

– Group sex fucking rocks! About mid-month my partner and I invited our beautiful fem friend over and things just kinda led to the three of us heading to the bedroom. My partner and I sucked our guest’s girl cock, then the two of them then gave me an intense double blowjob, and my partner masturbated between our guest and I. Honestly, I forgot how much I love sucking cock. And girl cock is SO much better. Hers was just so thick and soft, and feeling her finish all over my mouth and face as my partner watched… hot damn! We enjoyed our time together so much that we invited her over again, just this past weekend, and the three of us played in a whole bunch of new ways. Highlight of the second threesome was when my partner and our friend held me down and gave me multi-orgasms, then a messy ejaculation, through frenulum stimulation with the Shibari Wand.

 


Nillin’s Slutty Selfie of the Month

Those who read my frenulum stimulation post earlier in the month [it will be re-posted here on Dec 1st] might recognize this pic from the piece. Many a sexy selfies were taken over the past few weeks but this one was my fave of the relatively safe-for-work ones.

 

Thank you for sticking with me through this really crappy period of losing the blog and starting over. Will see you next month with a ton of new, and returning, content to www.mxnillin.com!

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How Do I Sexy? A Guide for Non-Binary Queer Folk

One of the single biggest questions that has been on my mind ever since I came to understand myself as queer and genderqueer is: how the hell do I sexy!?

Seriously. What IS “sexy” for non-binary and genderqueer folk? Can we even be sexy, or is that only for peeps who identify within the binary?

I mean, just consider for a moment exactly how “sex appeal” and attractiveness is presented throughout society. You don’t really need to look much further than whats playing on your television, or at any of the ad campaigns for lingerie stores like Victoria’s Secret and Calvin Klein, to see that it’s all binary and predominantly cis. Ripped masculine men and thin feminine women. That’s the ideal.

Even within LGBTQIA+ spaces, the gender binary perseveres. Most all discussions, education, resources, and narratives focus around gay men, lesbian women, bisexual men and women, trans women, trans men, and so on and so forth.

As a genderqueer person I’ve long struggled with seeing myself as a sexual being at all because I have always been taught that sex happens between binary genders. From sex education to mainstream porn, even in sex art and erotica, it’s all predominantly cis men and women. Sure, some sites do delve into the trans demographic, however, in most cases they are generally laced in ignorance and transphobic slurs are widely utilized as degrading marketing gimmicks. And even when there are self-identified trans performers they are always presented through heavily binarist lenses.

So, dysphoria has long reigned supreme in the bedroom for me as I struggle to feel comfortable and sexy in my own skin. But all is not lost! Here are a few tips from this non-binary queer to any of you enbys out there struggling with feeling sexy in the big shitty sea of cisnormative and binarist sexuality:

 

Keep It On!

Does wearing your binder make you feel more confident in yourself and happier with you body during sexy times? Then leave it on!

Does wearing a comfy dress and a cute bra make you feel sexier and more comfortable? Then don’t take them off!

Super surprising thing that I only recently fully realized (despite it now seeming quite obviously in retrospect): you don’t actually have to get completely naked in order to have sex. In fact, some of the times that I have felt the most banging have been when my partner just hiked my dress up, pulled my panties off, and rode my girl cock hard right then and there. Often times I don’t even get undressed to masturbate as I find that keeping on my bra, a cute top, and nice flowy skirt makes me feel super queer and sexy as fuck while I’m getting off.

So, if you need to wear makeup, or a bra, or your binder, or your underwear, or a skirt, or dress, or a muscle shirt, or your packer, in order to feel comfortable and sexy, then do it!

crashpadseries-ep-222
Crash Pad Series Episode-222 [featuring Joey Minx and Freya Wynn]

 

Set Boundaries and Communicate Needs

Does somebody touching your boobs make you feel super dysphoric? Does penetrative sex make you feel very uncomfortable? Do you really dislike too much focus on your genitalia? Good news! You don’t have to do any of those things if you don’t want to. Communicate with your sexual partner(s) what does and doesn’t make you feel good, discuss your sexual needs, and set healthy boundaries so that everybody involved feels safe and is having fun.

Sidenote: If the person(s) you are about to get intimate works to intimidate, coerce, guilt, or threaten you into having sex in ways you don’t feel comfortable, please keep safe and consider removing yourself from that relationship.

 

Queer Up Your Vocabulary

Play with terminology, create new terms that work for you, try out different terms of endearment, etc.

My partner and I enjoy some pretty rough sex and BDSM play fairly regularly but one of the biggest struggles at first was BDSM language because everything is so heavily gendered to be about “Daddy”, “Sir”, “Mistress”, “Princess”, etc. As we’re both genderqueer, non-binary folk we had to get creative with dominance and submission titles. When I’m in dom mode my partner refers to me as “Mxtress” (pronounced mix-tress), and when I’m in sub mode I’ve been playing with being called “Pet” or “Toy”.

Might not sound that creative but I also love just being called “slut” when I’m being roughly used or bound.

Ultimately, the sexual terms and vocabulary that you and your partner(s) use don’t need to be justified to anybody else in order for it to be valid. Use the words, terms, titles, labels, etc. that feel right to you and/or your partner(s)!

 

Watch Queer Porn

And no, I’m not talking about the gay or lesbian porn you find for free on Pornhub. Most of that shit is about as “queer” as The Conjuring 2 is “a true story”. And I’m certainly not talking about all of the porn featuring trans people that is marketed through transphobic slurs for cis people to get off on. I’m talking sites like The Crash Pad Series, FTM Fucker, and Aja Porn Films.

crash-pad-ep-219
Crash Pad Series Episode-219 [featuring Eros LaFemme and Chocolate Chip]

 

Follow Trans, Enby, and Genderqueer Sex or Porn Blogs

Seriously, there’s soooooo much awesome, free amateur queer porn on Tumblr with endless ideas for practices that you might like applying to your own sex life. Like, oodles of it. Unfortunately, due to Tumblr’s crack downs on pornographic content, they’re a lot harder to find as search results will not yield the results you seek. Dropping some terms in Google search is the way to go. But once you find one, they all just sort of line-up together through notes and re-blogs.

A great starting place is Transqueersxxx. The blog is actually curated by trans and enby identified admins and the photos submitted come from gender diverse folk of all identities, expressions, and bodies. It’s fuckin’ magical. If you see a user you really like, be sure to read the comments along with the post to see if they have a full Tumblr page linked that you can follow for more queer body positive pics.

Sidenote: I’ve submitted nudes here myself so don’t be surprised if you see me flashing my girl cock during your perusal of the posts there.

 

Hopefully at least some of this helps in your exploration of what makes you feel hot as fuck!

Special thanks and a shout out to The Crash Pad Series for permission to use a few pictures from their shoots!

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Never Run a Sex Blog on WordPress: Why Mx Nillin is Starting Over

If you’ve been following the blog for a while, you’ll likely notice that not only does it suddenly look completely different…. but it’s also at a new URL and many past posts are gone. Yesterday, while working at www.mxnillin.wordpress.com, I posted a brand new article and was getting ahead on another when I found myself receiving an error message that said I didn’t have any posting or admin permission. Clicking back on my dashboard, there it was… the message in red.

WordPress had suspended me, permanently, for breach of their Terms of Service. More specifically, their Mature Content Policy and their User Guidelines that states the blogging platform does NOT allow posts with:

  • visual depictions of sexually explicit acts (such as, but not limited to, images, videos, and drawings) that can be considered pornographic
  • links or ads to adult-oriented affiliate networks, such as pornography site signups
  • links, text, or images promoting or advertising escort or erotic services

Opps. My bad. You know how most of us have this tendency to not read those really long, boring, “terms of use” things, written in all kinds of legal jargon, while signing up to stuff? Well, I clearly didn’t read it here either as I had assumed that WordPress allowed you to blog about pretty much anything, so long as it was legal. Turns out that’s not the case. Being new to the whole sex blogging thing, I hadn’t yet learned, or even thought of, the lessons that other sex bloggers had already learned before me regarding how sexphobic most “free blogging” platforms are. It’s not just WordPress, it’s most of them.

Now I know. Shame on me for not reading the Terms of Use (made sure to read them really closely for this new hosting service), and shame on WordPress for their shitty, sexphobic, anti-porn, and anti-sex work policies.

Now www.mxnillin.wordpress.com is gone… forever.

I’ve already run the gamut of emotions. At first I panicked.

screaming terror panic the muppets ahhh

 

Then I was furious.

film marvel comics phoenix x men

 

Then I was devastated.

reactions ugh depressed done lilo and stitch

 

Now, I’m mostly over it and ready to start over because, well, I refuse to let this ruin all the good that the blog was doing for others and for myself.

Moving on now!

Starting next week on November 28, 2016, there will be updates EVERY Monday and Thursday at www.mxnillin.com. Monday posts will be brand new content, never before published, while Thursdays will be re-posts from the previous WordPress blog that I managed to salvage! So if you loved the Ethical Exhibitionism posts, or the masturbation month articles, or the queer sex advice pieces please rest assured that they WILL be back, uploaded fresh, right here at my new blogging home.

If you head over to the blog section of this new site you’ll also find a few of the old articles in tact, already posted under their original publication dates. Among these are the Monthly Refaps, the recent Trans Day of Remembrance call to action piece, last month’s National Coming Out Day post, and a couple of posts on my current favorite sex comics.

But, this is still more or less me starting all over again. Thank you for all of the support and encouragement that so many of you have already given over the past 9-months. I hope that you’ll join me in this new venture. If you’re new to my blogging, then welcome! I hope you enjoy the content here, find what you need, and learn a lot about sexual pleasure, wellness, and positivity.

Mx Nillin

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