BOOM! Here we are, it’s the final installment in my personal blog post series for #30DayOrgasmFun 2019, an awesome sex positive and pleasure focused event created by the wonderful Tabitha Rayne that encourages folks to counter their seasonal depression with orgasms (or other forms of personal pleasure).
Fucking cool, right!?
While I originally just anticipated writing a few lewd posts about jerking off, having threesomes, and playing with my cum, the whole thing actually turned into this complex personal journey of emotional and sexual self-realization. Which is really cool, but also, goddamn it why do I always have to make everything into a big thing!? You know? LOL
I could have just been jerking off, getting fucked, and eating thick loads of my own jizz but noooooo, I had to get all introspective and shit! Fucking Nillin…
Seriously though, this has been a really enlightening experience, and arguably one of the most beneficial to my personal sense of self, and my sex life, that I’ve had on the blog yet. So, after having 28 orgasms in just under 4-weeks, while learning a fuckload about myself, I’m fucking tapping out, friends!
My girl cock is fucking tired haha. And also a little sore and sensitive. Time to rest the ol’ girl so that I can get into next month when I do a bunch of ethical cum tributes to friends and peers while writing about how to consensually engage in online sex without being a fucking asshole.
Anyway, instead of writing about all the orgasms I’ve had recently, which there have been none of cause I’m fucking tired, this last installment will be all about how I learned and grew over the last few weeks. A BIG thank you to everyone who has been following along throughout the month, I really appreciate you reading and hope you will join me in May for that cum tribute and ethical online sex stuff.
If you haven’t read the rest of these posts, then what the hell? Fucking read these:
Context note: I (they/them) am in a non-monogamous, polyamorous relationship with my best friends Kate (she/her) and Fal (they/them). You’ll read a lot about them in these posts throughout the month.
You’ll also likely read about Quinn (she/her), an awesome blogging peer who I’ve recently started sexting with quite a bit, as well as Kris (they them), a long-time friend who I’ve reconnected with in the last year and occasionally mutually masturbate with over webcam.
First, Some Fun Stats
I fucking love sex stats! Here’s mine for this past month:
- I experienced a total of 28 orgasms, 26 of which were satisfying while 2 were unsatisfying or “ruined”.
- 19 of the total orgasms happened during solo masturbation, 4 of which were from frengasms with my wand while the rest were from just jerking off with my hand.
- Of the 19 solo orgasms, 15 of them (about 79%) were to fantasies about, or lewd pictures/videos of, my partners, as well as consenting friends and peers; whereas 4 were to porn, hentai, or sex comics.
- 9 orgasms occurred through various forms of intercourse with my partners Kate and Fal, and my play partners Quinn and Kris. 4 of those orgasms were from penetrative sex (1 from anal), 1 was from a handjob, 1 from mutual masturbation over Skype, and the remaining 3 were through sexting. I also had 2 really fucking awesome threesomes in that mix!
Stats conclusion: fuck yeah, my sex life rocks! Now on to the personal lessons!
Lesson 1: I’m an Overthinker, but I Don’t Have to Let it Rule Me
I’ve always been a chronic overthinker and it frequently leads to me struggling internally with performance anxiety, oftentimes showing itself through troubles with maintaining an erection, having an orgasm, or even orgasming too quickly (at least in my mind).
Usually, because I’m fool, I internalize it and put a tonne of pressure on myself to work through it and improve on my own. Last month, in the spirit of being candid and communicative through the #30DayOrgasmFun event, I finally fucking opened up to my partners about it. Thank Satan, I did! Because they were really understanding and affirmative, which was exactly what I needed.
I’m positive that I’m going to overthink things again, of course, and I’m sure it’ll affect my girl cock then too. That’s just a part of my anxiety. The difference now though is that I’m MUCH more self-aware of it and I know to talk to my partners about it before it goes on for so long.
[Fal and Kate are incredible partners, friends, and lovers. I’m the luckiest fucking enby in the world!]
Lesson 2: Intimacy Is REALLY Fucking Important to Me
Hands down the best, most intense orgasms this month were shared with my partners, or involved fantasies about them. I guess that that shouldn’t be too surprising to me, but it actually caught me a little off guard at first when I realized how much my sexual needs, wants, and desires have actually changed since I came out in 2014.
All throughout my teens, and most of my twenties, I was getting off to anyone and anything all the fucking time. I’d call it almost overzealous, aimless masturbation centered around coming as much as humanly possible to literally anything that made my girl cock flutter LOL.
Don’t get me wrong, I still definitely enjoy furry porn art, hentai manga, hardcore fantasy sex comics, and of course any ol’ semi-public sex or masturbation vid. But I’m starting to realize just how much more I enjoy sexual pleasure when it involves, either in person or through fantasy, my partners, friends, or even closer peers.
[A fucking adorable pic of Fal and I cuddling with our friend Taylor after a couple of days of hanging out naked, having group sex, and exploring Saskatoon.]
Lesson 3: I Need to Have Sex for Myself, NOT the Blog
There was a really eye opening moment I had a few days ago. While starting to have anal sex with Fal, I took a moment to take a dick pic “for the blog” and GASP I both lost my erection and had a bit of trouble getting it back. It really made me reflect on a fair amount of similar experiences I’ve been having over the past several months, most notably with my Mx Nillin Fucks series.
I haven’t written one in quite awile, and even skipped my 2-year anniversary of it on March 3rd this year, because I felt so much pressure on featuring something even more entertaining, ludicrous, or pleasurable, than anything else before. Turns out that pressure to generate memorable or “hot” blog content is a huge source of the performance anxiety I’ve been writing about more as of late.
Those of you who have been following the blog all April will definitely recall the handful of times I talked about the stress I was feeling to orgasm every day for this event. Thankfully, many of you commented with supportive remarks helping me take that pressure off myself and, like my partners, encourage me to enjoy myself without such heavy self-induced expectations.
Going forward I feel renewed and empowered to continue writing about my sex life, but not let my blogging actually affect my sex life itself.
That’s a pretty fucking powerful takeaway for me from all of this and I’m very thankful of everybody who helped me realize what was happening, and how I needed to adjust.
So, that’s it! That’s a fucking wrap! Once again, I want to sincerely thank everyone who followed my posts throughout the month, and who left such affirming, encouraging, and thoughtful comments. They were all read, felt, and appreciated a lot!
And a HUGE thank you goes to Tabitha Rayne for creating this event. It meant so much more to me than I thought it possibly could.
I hope to see y’all in May for the ethical cum tributes and brand new content on engaging in consensual, respectful sexual activity through social media and texting. And don’t forget to check out my Patreon for access to early post previews and exclusive content not available on the blog!