Hey folks, know what’s great? Sexting. Seriously, I know it gets a bad rap from your ultra-conservative aunt, Krissy, but you know what? Too bad for her. There are tons of perks to this criminally underrated pass-time. Here’s 5 of them!
1. It’s Outstanding Foreplay
Before my nesting partner, Fal, and I first had a threesome with our best friend, Kate, we spent WEEKS sexting and flirting with her. At the time, we lived in another city and were going to be moving to where Kate lived in about a month. So, even though we all knew it was coming… we were looking at having to wait upwards of 30 goddamn days until it could actually happened.
That was fucking brutal, y’all.
But rather than just groan about it we decided to capitalize on that time by engaging in some really hot group conversations involving explicit descriptions of what we all wanted to do together, graphic details of the sex dreams we were having about the whole thing, and we even started exchanging lewd selfies with each other.
When the time finally came, it was fucking explosive.
Whether date night with your partner(s) or lover(s) is still a few days away, or in just a few hours, playful sexting before hooking up can build up a LOT of excitement for later.
2. It Makes You Better at Dirty Talking
Not everyone is confident with dirty talking right off the hop. Sometimes, getting a little practice in before you get explicit with your words in the bedroom can go a long way. Sexting is PERFECT for this. Seeing dirty talk written out right in front is easily the best way to know what would, or wouldn’t sound good being said out loud in the moment. I mean, if anything you type out reads even remotely close to something from 50 Shades of Grey, then please… try again.
For some great guidance on upping your sexting game, check out “Six Sexting Slip-Ups and What To Do Instead” from Bex Caputo of Bex Talks Sex.
3. It’s a Great Way to Try Out New Terminology, Pronouns, and Labels
For queer and trans folks especially, finding the language to describe themselves, their genitals, and the sex acts that they enjoy having, in a manner that feels comfortable and sexy to them, can be very challenging. Nearly all of the bedroom terminology that exists out there is simply not at all considerate of queer and trans individuals. So, we have to create that language for ourselves.
But it can be hard introducing new words or titles, especially when you’re not sure how you’ll feel about them in an actual sexual context. Giving them a go while sexting will allow you to try things out during a time when you’ll feel a lot less, well, naked and vulnerable.
4. It Makes for Great Masturbation Material Later
There have been MANY times when my sexting with somebody has been so goddamn hot that I’ve gone back to it multiple times to masturbate. The more you do it with folks, the better you’ll all get and before you know it there’s a whole library of hot erotica right there in your messages.
5. It’s A Great, and Affordable, Way to Try Out Some Roleplay or Other Kinks
Have you always fantasized about being a Private Detective pulled into a scandalous sex murder mystery involving royalty? How about giving pet play a go as you are paraded around by a leash and made to beg like a good dog?
Well, rather than rush out to buy all the necessary accessories and costume bits needed to enact those scenarios in the bedroom, only to discover that maybe you wasted your money because you’re not actually enjoying it, test it out through sexting first.
There’s definitely plenty of things I wish I had done this with first before going all out…
All of that aside I recognize that some folks experience a lot of anxiety about sexting. They worry about their pictures being leaked, or their phone being hacked, or a family member seeing their messages, or somebody looking over their shoulder while they’re sitting on the bus and seeing their explicit conversations. All valid concerns concerns with equally valid solutions.
For really detailed practical advice on sexting safety, be sure to check out “Safer Sexting: A Guide to Keeping Your Pics Private” as well as “Selfies, Shame and Safety: Thoughts on the iCloud Hack” from Lunabelle of Ninja Sexology.