Why I Don’t Put a Period After the “Mx” In “Mx Nillin”

Fact: the vast majority of people I have interacted with throughout my life do not respect, or even acknowledge most of the terminology I used to describe myself, or that other non-binary or gender nonconforming people use for themselves either.

Also fact: most people will either pointedly, defensively, or aggressively, work to undermine the language that I and other queer and trans people use in an effort to reassert the language that THEY think we should use, all while expecting that I accept and respect their self-descriptors and terminology.

And that’s like…

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In my experience, people in general have a tendency to desperately cling onto “grammar”. They use it as justification for their invalidating, degrading, and dismissive behaviors toward trans and queer folx who make them feel uncomfortable, who scare them, or who they just dislike due to the generally ignorant and discriminatory belief systems they were raised under.

Those who adamantly believe in the absolutes of men and women, masculinity and femininity, or gay or straight, love to weaponize grammatical rules, dictionaries, memes, and to attack,silence, and repress anyone that dares exist outside of those parameters.

It’s fucking exhausting, to be honest.

I can’t even begin to tell you how often that people (both cishet and LGBTQ+) rant at me about my “made up, bullshit identity”, and my “made up, bullshit pronouns”, and “made up, bullshit terminology”. I can’t even begin to tell you how many self-ascribed allies insist that the way that I identify, and the way that I have transitioned, is somehow destroying the politics of the left.

Meanwhile, there are members of my own fucking community who also insist that I’m just some PC, special snowflake asshole out to ruin everything for the gays and “real trans people” by asking for such ludicrous things as basics rights and protection too, bodily autonomy, self-identification, to please not misgender me and use my pronouns, please. “It’s people like you that made Trump win the election,” I’m told by a gay man with a generic “love wins” profile pic. I know that he’s a gay man because he made very sure to preface his shitty comments with “as a gay man I feel that -”

Coolio.

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But fuck that. I’mma do me.

In early 2015, I took my first major step toward self-actualization and began using they/them/their pronouns (much to the distress of my family and some old friends).

If you don’t want to use those pronouns for me because [INSERT SHITTY EXCUSE HERE] that’s fine. You can lick my butthole while you’re at it.

Most recently, in early 2016, I moved to drop the misgendering honorific “Mr.” (which is still forced down my throat by most service providers, banks, and the Government of Canada), rejected the equally misgendering honorific “Mrs.” (which some tried to apply to me as they assumed I was a trans woman), and began utilizing the gender neutral “Mx.” It became a part of how I understood myself and introduced myself in general.

Eventually, “Mx. Nillin” became “Mx Nillin”. Why?

Because, fuck American honorific rules. Fuck cisnormative grammar rules in general, to be honest.

Think this is petty to post about? You know what else is petty? The countless people who insist on commenting on how I got my own name and honorific wrong because “grammar”.

No. It’s Mx Nillin, get over it.

And yes, I’m well aware that “Mx” is now acknowledged as acceptable in the Oxford English Dictionary. Well, fuck the Oxford English Dictionary too.

Your identity is valid. Your pronouns are valid. The terminology and language that you use to understand yourself and describe your experiences are valid. No fucking dictionaries or writing styles have any official say in any of that.

But don’t mind me. I’m just that angry queer.

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The Other 25 Facts About My Queer Sex Life

Red Hot Suz recently did a 50 Fun Sex Facts About Me post, which I thought was pretty cool so I decided to do one too; but I split mine in half. The first 25 facts were posted last week and for those who’ve been waiting for the rest, here is 26 through 50!

  1. I very, very rarely wear any underwear.
  2. I absolutely refuse to tuck my girl cock, especially for any social expectations. I embrace my bulge.
  3. I love wearing butt plugs during road trips.
  4. I really want to start writing hardcore queer and trans erotica on the blog.
  5. Since coming out as queer and trans I have been degraded and rejected by half of my immediate family and most of my extended family. I no longer have contact with them.
  6. Blowjob porn is my go-to for quick fapping.
  7. I am a furry. My fursona is a femme, queer deer.
  8. I kinda love waking up with morning wood.
  9. I’m primarily a dom in the bedroom, but I like to switch on occasion.
  10. My partner and I have had sex in a lot of exciting places. Some of my faves have been: an outdoor tennis court, a baseball dugout at night, and in the dark along the Saskatchewan river as a party boat drifted by.
  11. When I was a tween I was strangely turned on by Kaa from the Jungle Book.
  12. I also masturbated to Lola Bunny a lot.
  13. Okay, I still masturbate to Lola Bunny a lot.
  14. According to those who have tasted it, my cum is generally flavorless & nice to swallow.
  15. I did my first ethical cum tribute to a friend a couple months ago & fucking loved it.
  16. Since then I’ve fantasized about people doing cum/ejaculate tributes to me too. Cum on my nudes, please!
  17. After I move away from my current city, I plan to more seriously consider sex work.
  18. On numerous occasions I have fantasized about being abducted by extraterrestrials, and used as their fuck toy.
  19. I also frequently fantasize about sex with robots.
  20. I used to be obsessed with my cock size. Since coming out as queer and trans, my insecurity around my girl cock is now almost completely non-existent.
  21. My partner and I certainly do struggle with jealousy at times in our non-monogamy, but we feel compersion [experiencing pleasure from watching my partner receive pleasure] far more often.
  22. My partner and I are nude 95% of the time that we’re home. 
  23. When I was quite young I had a urethral stricture, a condition where the urethra narrows, and I had to have a non-surgical procedure done involving dilators. It was horrible. Moving on.
  24. My first exposure to porn on the internet was hardcore hentai.
  25. I’m really excited to eat ass for the first time soon.

But enough about me, what sex facts would you have on your list?

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25 Facts About My Queer Sex Life

Red Hot Suz recently did a 50 Fun Sex Facts About Me post, which I thought was pretty cool so I decided to do one too; except I’m going to split mine in half. So, here are the first 25 fun sex facts about Mx Nillin!

  1. I masturbate outdoors semi-frequently, especially in our backyard at night. It’s kinda my fave.
  2. I often dream of buying land and living as a full-time nudist in an RV home.
  3. My first sexual experiences were experimenting with my best friend during sleepovers and making out in his bedroom closet.
  4. When I was 17-years-old I used to sneak out of the house to suck the cocks of various internet hookups. In that one year I sucked, like, 30 cocks, and had my cock sucked a bunch, but I still considered myself a “virgin” because: heteronormativity.
  5. Because of that internalized homophobia and heteronormativity, I didn’t think that I had “lost my virginity” until I had PIV sex in a co-worker’s backyard when I was 21.
  6. My partner and I are non-monogamous. We sext and flirt with a lot of people online but we’ve only ever invited 3 people into our bed.
  7. I refer to my penis as my “girl cock” both in my writing and in person.
  8. I read more sex comics than I watch porn.
  9. My favorite sex comics often involve high fantasy scenarios or furry femboys.
  10. While I am domming my partner, they refer to me with the non-binary kink honorific “Mxtress” [pronounced mix-tress] rather than using any binary gendered titles.
  11. I LOVE edging [orgasm control].
  12. I once hooked up with a dude in his car who was high on poppers and I basically just watched him helicopter his flaccid dick around until I could safely excuse myself. That put me off of hookups for a couple years..
  13. One of my biggest fantasies is to be just covered in cum from multiple people jerking off onto me.
  14. I’m strangely turned on by satanic, witchcraft, and occult porn and erotic art.
  15. When I was really young and just discovering masturbation, I used to stop before orgasming because I had no idea what the sensation was [I had never been taught about orgasms] and it scared me.
  16. I LOVE eating semen, be it my own or someone else’s.
  17. Mutual masturbation is without a doubt one of my favorite sexual activities.
  18. I really, really want to attend a group masturbation party.
  19. While I’ve been fucked in the ass a lot, I’ve never been fucked by a penis. That’d be cool.
  20. I’m super not okay with having been circumcised without my consent as a baby. Like, I’m kinda pissed about it.
  21. When I was, like, 12 I cut a hole into a large sized stuffed leopard plushy and I fucking wrecked that thing… I think there was more cum in it than stuffing by the time I finally threw it out.
  22. I would suck cock every day if I could.
  23. I was kinda bummed by how awkward, loud, and clunky my first fleshlight was.
  24. I’ll fuck just about anybody, but I feel far more comfortable with queer and femme folks.
  25. I used to stick a lot of non-body safe household items into my butt, and that’s what inspired fucking weird things SAFELY for the Mx Nillin Fucks series.

Check back next week for 25 more sex facts about me! In the meantime, what would some of your sex facts be?

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