Just the Tips on Frenulum Stimulation for People With a Penis

Well hello there people with a penis, or people who just want to learn more about the penis! Have you ever heard of the frenulum? It’s okay, I hadn’t either until earlier this year. But if this is an area of you penis that you haven’t yet explored I HIGHLY recommend that you look into because if yours is even half as sensitive an erogenous zone as mine is… then you need to get on playing with that, stat!

 

What the hell, and where the heck, is this “frenulum”?

Quick 101 time! The frenulum is a band of tissue located just under the glans penis (the “head” of your penis) that attaches the foreskin to the penis itself. It is often cited as one of the most sensitive places on a penis.

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For those who are circumcised, you may or may not have much of your frenulum left depending on how your circumcision was done. In most North American circumcisions, the frenulum is almost completely severed and removed along with the foreskin.  As such, everybody’s penis will have varying levels of sensitivity depending on any number of factors that may or may not include circumcision.

If you do have a frenulum, cool! If you do not, cool! Whether you’re circumcised or not, have your frenulum or don’t, these factors do NOT determine your virility or sexual function. You are not “broken” and your penis is still awesome either way! [Unless you don’t like your penis, then, boooooo penises!]

 

Just the Tips on Frenulum Stimulation

If the frenulum does end up being a pleasurable revelation for you (you’re welcome) then here are a few more ideas for you to explore either on your own or with a partner(s), play friend, fuck buddy, whatever!

 

Pro-tip 1: Let the person(s) you’re having sex with know about how much you like stimulation on your frenulum. In fact, let them know about all of the areas that you like, or don’t like, being touched! Great, healthy, communication in the bedroom involves feeling comfortable and confident in expressing your sexual needs with anybody you may be engaging in sexual activity with. Encourage them to play around with ways that they may stimulate your frenulum during foreplay, oral sex, and/or with toys.

For those perhaps giving oral to a person with a penis, release the damn Kraken with your tongue! Seriously. Let it wander. Do circles. Drag it all around the underside of the penis head and listen out for those gasps, moans, etc. to cue you into whether or not you’re hitting the right spot.

Note: if you are engaging in sexual activity with a queer identified person who has a penis, be sure to ask them how they would like their genitalia referred to! For many queer and trans folk, developing and using appropriate terminology for their body can be an extremely liberating and positive journey toward healthy self-discovery. For example; my penis is my “girl cock”.

 

Pro-tip 2: Get a vibe. Any vibe, seriously [so long as it is body safe]. Using vibrating toys (eggs, vibrators, bullets, or wands) on the frenulum is honestly divine. I’ve gone full play sessions experiencing all sort of pleasure waves and mini-orgasms with a well placed vibe on the shaft of my girl cock.

I HIGHLY recommend the Shibari Wand for frenulum stimulation. It is body safe, lightweight (for a wand), rechargeable, and economical. About a week ago, after my partner was casually playing with my girl cock for about half-an-hour on the couch they then went and grabbed our Shibari Wand. With it set to the high, sustained vibration setting, they grabbed my girl cock and held the Shibari to my frenulum. Less than 5-minutes later I had, I kid you not, the most intense full body orgasm and the messiest, most powerful cumshot I’ve had in months. How powerful? Over the shoulder powerful. No jokes, we had to cut some of my hair afterward because I shot that high and far.

Great thing about the Shibari vibe too is that there are a lot of settings that play with intensity level and vibration patterns as well. So you have some room to experiment with what feels the best to you.

 

Pro-tip 3: If you don’t own, or have a means of acquiring, a vibe of some kind that’s okay too. Many people enjoy and have experienced orgasm from frenulum stimulation with use of their good ol’ fashioned fingers and hands. It just takes patience, practice, and persistence in exploring exactly what makes you feel best. Some individuals can achieve orgasm from softly rubbing, or “strumming”, their frenulum for a sustained period of time with their fingers.

 

Pro-tip 4: Be creative with using other fabrics and items as stimulation aids! For example, wearing a pair of cheap wool gloves or a soft winter mitt while playing can potentially add whole new levels of pleasure (just take your time and keep an eye out for skin redness, soreness, or irritation).

Using a pair of panties, or underwear, or any other item of clothing you don’t mind getting messy, could also help. Alternatively, if you have any stuffed animals or soft pillows to rub up against, consider trying them out too! You never know what feels great until you try!

 

Hump away, friend!

 

NOTE: Thursday updates will be re-posts from mxnillin.wordpress.com, which was permanently suspended by WordPress due to their sexphobic anti-porn and anti-sex work policies. This post was originally published on November 14, 2016. Click here for the full story.

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How Do I Sexy? A Guide for Non-Binary Queer Folk

One of the single biggest questions that has been on my mind ever since I came to understand myself as queer and genderqueer is: how the hell do I sexy!?

Seriously. What IS “sexy” for non-binary and genderqueer folk? Can we even be sexy, or is that only for peeps who identify within the binary?

I mean, just consider for a moment exactly how “sex appeal” and attractiveness is presented throughout society. You don’t really need to look much further than whats playing on your television, or at any of the ad campaigns for lingerie stores like Victoria’s Secret and Calvin Klein, to see that it’s all binary and predominantly cis. Ripped masculine men and thin feminine women. That’s the ideal.

Even within LGBTQIA+ spaces, the gender binary perseveres. Most all discussions, education, resources, and narratives focus around gay men, lesbian women, bisexual men and women, trans women, trans men, and so on and so forth.

As a genderqueer person I’ve long struggled with seeing myself as a sexual being at all because I have always been taught that sex happens between binary genders. From sex education to mainstream porn, even in sex art and erotica, it’s all predominantly cis men and women. Sure, some sites do delve into the trans demographic, however, in most cases they are generally laced in ignorance and transphobic slurs are widely utilized as degrading marketing gimmicks. And even when there are self-identified trans performers they are always presented through heavily binarist lenses.

So, dysphoria has long reigned supreme in the bedroom for me as I struggle to feel comfortable and sexy in my own skin. But all is not lost! Here are a few tips from this non-binary queer to any of you enbys out there struggling with feeling sexy in the big shitty sea of cisnormative and binarist sexuality:

 

Keep It On!

Does wearing your binder make you feel more confident in yourself and happier with you body during sexy times? Then leave it on!

Does wearing a comfy dress and a cute bra make you feel sexier and more comfortable? Then don’t take them off!

Super surprising thing that I only recently fully realized (despite it now seeming quite obviously in retrospect): you don’t actually have to get completely naked in order to have sex. In fact, some of the times that I have felt the most banging have been when my partner just hiked my dress up, pulled my panties off, and rode my girl cock hard right then and there. Often times I don’t even get undressed to masturbate as I find that keeping on my bra, a cute top, and nice flowy skirt makes me feel super queer and sexy as fuck while I’m getting off.

So, if you need to wear makeup, or a bra, or your binder, or your underwear, or a skirt, or dress, or a muscle shirt, or your packer, in order to feel comfortable and sexy, then do it!

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Crash Pad Series Episode-222 [featuring Joey Minx and Freya Wynn]

 

Set Boundaries and Communicate Needs

Does somebody touching your boobs make you feel super dysphoric? Does penetrative sex make you feel very uncomfortable? Do you really dislike too much focus on your genitalia? Good news! You don’t have to do any of those things if you don’t want to. Communicate with your sexual partner(s) what does and doesn’t make you feel good, discuss your sexual needs, and set healthy boundaries so that everybody involved feels safe and is having fun.

Sidenote: If the person(s) you are about to get intimate works to intimidate, coerce, guilt, or threaten you into having sex in ways you don’t feel comfortable, please keep safe and consider removing yourself from that relationship.

 

Queer Up Your Vocabulary

Play with terminology, create new terms that work for you, try out different terms of endearment, etc.

My partner and I enjoy some pretty rough sex and BDSM play fairly regularly but one of the biggest struggles at first was BDSM language because everything is so heavily gendered to be about “Daddy”, “Sir”, “Mistress”, “Princess”, etc. As we’re both genderqueer, non-binary folk we had to get creative with dominance and submission titles. When I’m in dom mode my partner refers to me as “Mxtress” (pronounced mix-tress), and when I’m in sub mode I’ve been playing with being called “Pet” or “Toy”.

Might not sound that creative but I also love just being called “slut” when I’m being roughly used or bound.

Ultimately, the sexual terms and vocabulary that you and your partner(s) use don’t need to be justified to anybody else in order for it to be valid. Use the words, terms, titles, labels, etc. that feel right to you and/or your partner(s)!

 

Watch Queer Porn

And no, I’m not talking about the gay or lesbian porn you find for free on Pornhub. Most of that shit is about as “queer” as The Conjuring 2 is “a true story”. And I’m certainly not talking about all of the porn featuring trans people that is marketed through transphobic slurs for cis people to get off on. I’m talking sites like The Crash Pad Series, FTM Fucker, and Aja Porn Films.

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Crash Pad Series Episode-219 [featuring Eros LaFemme and Chocolate Chip]

 

Follow Trans, Enby, and Genderqueer Sex or Porn Blogs

Seriously, there’s soooooo much awesome, free amateur queer porn on Tumblr with endless ideas for practices that you might like applying to your own sex life. Like, oodles of it. Unfortunately, due to Tumblr’s crack downs on pornographic content, they’re a lot harder to find as search results will not yield the results you seek. Dropping some terms in Google search is the way to go. But once you find one, they all just sort of line-up together through notes and re-blogs.

A great starting place is Transqueersxxx. The blog is actually curated by trans and enby identified admins and the photos submitted come from gender diverse folk of all identities, expressions, and bodies. It’s fuckin’ magical. If you see a user you really like, be sure to read the comments along with the post to see if they have a full Tumblr page linked that you can follow for more queer body positive pics.

Sidenote: I’ve submitted nudes here myself so don’t be surprised if you see me flashing my girl cock during your perusal of the posts there.

 

Hopefully at least some of this helps in your exploration of what makes you feel hot as fuck!

Special thanks and a shout out to The Crash Pad Series for permission to use a few pictures from their shoots!

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Trans Day of Remembrance 2016: How Canadians Can Do More

Alright friends and followers! I have to get a bit real here for a moment because today is a really important, and heavy, day for trans, genderqueer, enby, and gender diverse folk. Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance; a time for our community to mourn and pay respect to those of us who were murdered or died by suicide throughout the year.

This year, we are mourning the loss of 295 reported killing and deaths of trans people as a result of transphobic [a generalized fear, dislike, or prejudice against trans people] violence.

As most of you likely known, I’m queer and genderqueer. Each year, I deal with my own struggles of online and offline harassment and intimidation while simultaneously reading constant dehumanizing comments from public figures, as well as hearing about the countless queer and trans people of color who face far worse, losing their lives.

2016 has been particularly violent though… not only overseas in countries where homophobia and transphobia have long been LOUD core tenants of their culture, society, and politics; but here as well, in North America, as anti-trans sentiments permeate the province of Alberta (and central Canada as a whole) and blatantly anti-LGBTQ discourse surges throughout the every level of North American society.

But I want to take a moment to speak to my Canadian friends here as quite a few of you have asked me, “How can I help?”

For several years now, the Canadian Senate has been dominated by Conservative Party members who have actively prevented the passage of any trans rights bills.

Typically, they accomplish this by either outright refusing to consider the bill altogether, or by actually adding clauses to it that end up turning the once positive bill into a discriminatory one. This last happened in early 2015 as Senate members such as Senator Don Plett, actively worked to poison the last Canadian trans rights bill C-279.

Right now, the most recent trans rights bill, Bill C-16 has passed the House of Commons and is on its way to the Senate… a Senate consisting of some of the same people who have historically worked to undermine the rights of trans Canadians at every term due to transphobic sentiment. Despite numerous attempts at providing education to those on the Senate who fear trans people in public spaces, they refused to listen to us and gutted the last trans rights bill anyway.

So, what I really need my friends, family, and any Canadian followers to do is to contact your Senator by whatever means and let them know that you expect them to, as a friend of mine recently posted online: “allow the decisions of the democratically-elected parliament to be carried out, to allow Gender Identity and Gender Expression to be added to the Human Rights Act and the Criminal Code Hate Crimes provisions.

Find your senators here:
http://www.parl.gc.ca/SenatorsBio/default.aspx?Language=E

Call them.

Tell them you will not support willful ignorance. Tell them you expect them to protect vulnerable minorities and ensure that they are afforded the same basic rights and provisions as everybody else. This isn’t about differing opinions here… we’re only “political” because politicians and bigots decided to politicize our existence. We’re living, breathing, feeling, human beings and, at the very least, we need to be treated as such.

Other Things That You Can Do

  • If you see hateful comments, call them out.
  • If you see prejudice and misinformation being spread, challenge it and direct people to educational resources.
  • If you see a trans person being harassed, intimidated, followed, and/or threatened on the street, or in a mall, or at a store, then go to them and stand with them. Talk with them. Help remove them from potential harm.
  • If you see transphobic policies in your workplace or community, demand that they are changed.
  • If your elected leaders say bigoted or prejudiced things about trans people, then hold them accountable for those comments and demand better of them.
  • If you know of specific businesses or business owners who are antagonistic of trans people, or have transphobic policies, then DON’T support them any longer. Stop giving them your money, inform others of their actions, and rally others to speak out against them as well.

Further, educate YOURSELF too. Trans people aren’t just trans women or trans men, we are an extremely diverse range of individuals. We are queer. We are genderqueer. We are non-binary, nonconforming, gender fluid, two-spirit, or agender, too.

Make yourself aware of the fact that the VAST majority of LGBTQ murders and hate attacks in North America are perpetuated against queer and trans people of color, so, enure that your pro-trans activism is anti-racist activism too.

Please, support us all.

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