My partner Fal LOVES having their butt touched. In fact, it’s one of their most requested things of me in any given week. When I asked them why they request so many butt grabs and rubs they just kind of gave me this affronted look at said “because it fucking feels good and sometimes I just really want somebody to, okay?”
We call it feeling “touch starved”. It’s when you, like, get this really strong URGE to be hugged, or cuddled, or have your hair rubbed, or a shoulder caress, or some other really fucking specific, and often very subjective, kind of physical contact.
For Falon, that’s mostly butt touches.
For me… I guess there’s a whole bunch of things! But I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about how, where, or why I actually enjoy physical contact. And then I remembered a blog post from Red Hot Suz a few months ago about EXACTLY all of that, called The Way I Like to Be Touched, so, in classic Nillin fashion I’m of course going to steal the idea and do it myself!
Besides, I think it’s pretty fucking important to be aware of what you do and don’t like physically, and to feel knowledgeable and confident enough in expressing that concisely! Lucky for me, I have two amazing and incredibly attentive partners who’ve both helped me discover what brings me pleasure in affirming ways as an enby queer who is STILL rediscovering their body.
Still, I think there’s a lot to be said for really spelling it out, you know? So for me, my partners, and anyone I might possibly play with at some time in the distant, sexy future, here are the things that make me feel great.
I generally prefer laying on my back during cuddles. Having somebody’s head on my shoulder, chest, or tummy while snuggling like that feels like heaven. That being said, I’m NOT a picky cuddler. Position doesn’t really matter to me so long as it is comfy and affectionate! I love resting my head in somebody’s lap or being curled up and held just as much as I enjoy somebody snuggling up onto me.
Big spoon, little spoon, middle spoon, whatever, you won’t hear me complain about quality nuzzles!
A few other notes:
- Active touch makes me feel very relaxed and loved, so, little rubs, if even just with a finger, are always so incredibly appreciated. I really like being caressed on my chest (especially the hair), tummy, or my inner/upper thighs in particular.
- A hug cuddle is the best cuddle to me! Feeling an arm around my waist, or over my tummy, and/or a leg curled around one of mine will almost always result in happy sighs. The closer the hold, the nicer it feels.
- Depending on our relationship, the occasional kiss on the cheek or lips or another part of me during a position change or little stretch, or maybe even a quick head nuzzle, is nice.
- Head pats and hair rubs are the bomb. More specifically I really like a little rub behind the ear and under the ridge of the back of my head. Touching, squeezing, and lightly pulling on my earlobes just above my plugs is another favorite of mine I don’t talk about nearly enough.
- I don’t like touch to be TOO light while cuddling as I’m really ticklish. Like, tracing your fingertips over my skin isn’t my jam. Accidentally doing it is fine, but if it’s intentional, even playfully, then that’ll likely result in me wanting to cuddle less closely or not at all as I can easily feel anxious from overstimulation.
- Please avoid rubbing or caressing near my armpits, and just generally around the upper part of the sides of my torso when possible because those are very ticklish zones for me. As long as you’re around my love handles (just above them is okay) and waist, then you’re good. The closer to the pits the more I’m going to tuck my arms in uncomfortably.
I fucking love making-out, but I need it to be a journey. I’m a big fan of starting with very slow, soft, closed mouth kissing during some cuddling then gradually introducing more open mouth kissing with some tongue. I really enjoy gentle forehead/head nuzzles during make-outs too. My partner Kate is a goddamn champ at this. Seriously, I would lay with her in bed or on the couch and just kiss and touch and tease for literally hours if I could.
Overall I’d say that I’m a pretty soft-passionate sort of person. I like things to build into being more and more, and I really dislike very messy, sloppy kissing with too much tongue.
Some super specific ways to get me WAY hotter:
- Moving hair out of my face with your fingers in between kissing will make me melt like butter in your arms.
- Running a hand behind my ear, maybe grabbing me very lightly behind the head/upper neck, feels super fucking tender and romantic and confident and is a sure-fire way to get me swooning for you.
- I do NOT like having both sides of my face or head grabbed simultaneously though, it makes me feel anxious. I can have one hand on the side of my face, and the other gripping the back of my head in passion, but once they’re on both sides of my face at the same time I might pull back a little or move one of your hands away.
- While it’s not a hard no, I’m not the biggest fan of nibbling or biting as it either always feels too light and ticklish, or too hard. Just ask before doing it and I’ll let you know if I’m in the mood for it or not! Cause, I mean, sometimes I am… but not always… or even mostly.
- I love having my chest rubbed and enjoy having my nipples played with, but not TOO much as they are generally very sensitive to me and I can feel very overstimulated quite quickly if too much concentrated attention is put on them.
- Feeling a hand on my waist, firmly pulling me closer makes me feel incredibly fucking sexy.
- If you’re into it too, I REALLY dig dry humping and will put in a solid session of that any time you want!
As much as I enjoy writing about some really kinky shit, read a lot of furry sex comics, and definitely have my fair share of sexual fetishes, I’m actually a big softy in the bedroom. I mean, sometimes I’ll top Fal a little as they really like it when I do that, including choking and hitting in moderation, but overall I’d say that I like it passionate and fun more so then hard or rough.
That being said, there are a lot of kinks and types of play I just haven’t quite found the confidence to explore fully, and I’m not opposed to trying new things out with play partners.
- I DON’T like to be hurt, or feel pain myself. Some slight hair pulling and spanking is cool, but if it’s done with the intention of hurting me or “getting rough” with me then I’m not interested.
- If I’m receiving oral or a handjob, I’m a big fan of my lady balls being gently squeezed and tugged on, but again not in any way that hurts or causes discomfort. Similarly, wandering hands over my thighs, up my stomach, and to my chest during oral drives me fucking wild.
- My most erogenous zone is hands down the frenulum of my girl cock, which I talk a lot about in this other post you should totally read; Just the Tips on Frenulum Stimulation for People with a Penis.
- While I enjoy having my ass grabbed and played with, if you want to go for the butthole I really need that to have been discussed before we start fooling around. I need to be in the right headspace to be fingered or fucked in the ass because I’m not always in the mood for it.
- For extra bonus points: tightly wrap your arms and/or legs around me and moan, grunt, or growl in my ear while I fuck you.
- I LOVE having my mouth fucked back while I’m eating pussy so, please, by all means, grab my head and ride my face. Use my tongue, mouth, and lips to get yourself off all over me. If you have a penis though, mind the gag reflex! I’m still a practicing cock sucker.
How about you, dear readers? How do you like to be touched?
And please check back later this month for similar posts I have planned such as “How I Like to Be Complimented” and “How to Get into My Pants”!
Like this post?