Fact: the vast majority of people I have interacted with throughout my life do not respect, or even acknowledge most of the terminology I used to describe myself, or that other non-binary or gender nonconforming people use for themselves either.
Also fact: most people will either pointedly, defensively, or aggressively, work to undermine the language that I and other queer and trans people use in an effort to reassert the language that THEY think we should use, all while expecting that I accept and respect their self-descriptors and terminology.
And that’s like…
In my experience, people in general have a tendency to desperately cling onto “grammar”. They use it as justification for their invalidating, degrading, and dismissive behaviors toward trans and queer folx who make them feel uncomfortable, who scare them, or who they just dislike due to the generally ignorant and discriminatory belief systems they were raised under.
Those who adamantly believe in the absolutes of men and women, masculinity and femininity, or gay or straight, love to weaponize grammatical rules, dictionaries, memes, and to attack,silence, and repress anyone that dares exist outside of those parameters.
It’s fucking exhausting, to be honest.
I can’t even begin to tell you how often that people (both cishet and LGBTQ+) rant at me about my “made up, bullshit identity”, and my “made up, bullshit pronouns”, and “made up, bullshit terminology”. I can’t even begin to tell you how many self-ascribed allies insist that the way that I identify, and the way that I have transitioned, is somehow destroying the politics of the left.
Meanwhile, there are members of my own fucking community who also insist that I’m just some PC, special snowflake asshole out to ruin everything for the gays and “real trans people” by asking for such ludicrous things as basics rights and protection too, bodily autonomy, self-identification, to please not misgender me and use my pronouns, please. “It’s people like you that made Trump win the election,” I’m told by a gay man with a generic “love wins” profile pic. I know that he’s a gay man because he made very sure to preface his shitty comments with “as a gay man I feel that -”
But fuck that. I’mma do me.
In early 2015, I took my first major step toward self-actualization and began using they/them/their pronouns (much to the distress of my family and some old friends).
If you don’t want to use those pronouns for me because [INSERT SHITTY EXCUSE HERE] that’s fine. You can lick my butthole while you’re at it.
Most recently, in early 2016, I moved to drop the misgendering honorific “Mr.” (which is still forced down my throat by most service providers, banks, and the Government of Canada), rejected the equally misgendering honorific “Mrs.” (which some tried to apply to me as they assumed I was a trans woman), and began utilizing the gender neutral “Mx.” It became a part of how I understood myself and introduced myself in general.
Eventually, “Mx. Nillin” became “Mx Nillin”. Why?
Because, fuck American honorific rules. Fuck cisnormative grammar rules in general, to be honest.
Think this is petty to post about? You know what else is petty? The countless people who insist on commenting on how I got my own name and honorific wrong because “grammar”.
No. It’s Mx Nillin, get over it.
And yes, I’m well aware that “Mx” is now acknowledged as acceptable in the Oxford English Dictionary. Well, fuck the Oxford English Dictionary too.
Your identity is valid. Your pronouns are valid. The terminology and language that you use to understand yourself and describe your experiences are valid. No fucking dictionaries or writing styles have any official say in any of that.
But don’t mind me. I’m just that angry queer.