Welcome to Blogger Love Language Month! A new event designed to encourage bloggers, sex workers, podcasters, toymakers, and other adult content makers, to express their communication needs, wants, comforts, and boundaries to their peers and fans/readers, as well as describe how they would feel most comfortable having their work interacted with.
The general idea comes from a post I made a couple of weeks ago called “How I Like To Be Complimented On My Blog” that got some mixed reactions; but I stand by my decision to write it because I believe it’s important that we feel safe expressing our emotional and social needs! And I don’t think it was unreasonable for me to express that I don’t particularly enjoy being invalidated or misgendered or otherwise addressed as a cisgender man (which I am not).
My intention with it was also to mirror the open communication of needs that I value in my intimate relationships, in the hopes of improving my interactions with other sex bloggers, peers, and my readers overall. I wanted to do this by 1) directly talking about the types of compliments that make me feel affirmed, wanted, and/or respected, and, 2) by discussing some of the ways in which I feel most comfortable, or uncomfortable, with people talking about my body.
I think it was… mostly well thought out? LOL
In retrospect I maybe could have framed the whole thing a little differently as some folks said they now feel insecure, self-conscious, or otherwise worried about whether or not they had hurt or upset me. And that sucks because I didn’t write it with admonishment or any specific individuals in mind, but to simply convey some very important personal and professional needs for my safety and comfort.
Then along came Molly Moore, who was one of the first people to comment and who mentioned that she felt like my post was expressing the “love languages” that you might expect to see between partners and/or lovers, only I was doing it in the sense of how I feel most supported, uplifted, respected, and heard by my readers and fellow bloggers.
And, like, fuck! Yep! That’s a really, really great way of framing that sort of conversation and I really wish that I had approached my post with “love language” in mind from the very beginning.
So, let’s try this over again! Only this time I want to invite all of you to join me in expressing YOUR “blogger love language” too.
What are “love languages”?
The concept of “love languages” was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Languages of Love. Generally speaking, these are described as both the ways that we feel loved, appreciated, and respected in our relationships, as well as how we express or “show” our love, affection, and/or respect to others. Dr. Chapman characterizes these as falling into 1 of 5 categories (though you can exists in more than one of them at a time): physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, and spending quality time.
For further reading see:
7 Ways to Love Someone Who Needs Words of Affirmation
What is a “relevant” topic for this?
Basically anything that expresses your communication or safety needs, wants, boundaries, and/or expectations as a blogger in relation to your interactions with other bloggers, peers, and/or your readers.
Here are some topic ideas to get you started:
- How do YOU like to be complimented on your blog or through social media, by others?
- What are your personal communication boundaries when it comes to other sex bloggers, peers, and/or your readership who are trying to interact with you?
- In what ways do you like folks to comment on your nudes, lewds, or other explicit content that you create?
- If you do online sex work as well, what sort of interactions make you feel unsafe and/or disrespected vs. the interactions or types of support that makes you feel comfortable and/or appreciated?
- Are there any of Dr. Chapman’s love languages (touch, affirmations, gifts, actions, or quality time) specifically that you feel could apply to how you’d like people to interact with your content? If so, explain!
- What kinds of measurable support from your peers and/or readers would make you feel most motivated and empowered in your writing? (ie; more comments on your blog? More social media engagement? More financial support?)
- What sort of interactions make you feel drained vs. the ones that invigorate you, and how would you like to ask your followers to help with that?
Event rules:
- You MUST be age 18 or older to participate.
- Please only share posts that are relevant to the event topic [see the previous section for more information].
- Your posts MUST display the “Blogger Love Language” badge and link back to THIS event page.
- You can join in and share as many relevant links that you have written.
- Have an old post you think fits the theme? Cool! Add the Blogger Love Language badge to the end of it, with a link back here, and feel free to share it below!
- Your post must be publicly accessible. No password protected posts are permitted.
- Don’t have a blog but still want to participate? If you are a sex worker, clip/nudes seller, cam worker, sex podcaster, toymaker, writer, educator, advocate, artist, or an otherwise sex industry/community adjacent individual then you are welcome to submit a guest post to me at: nillinnow@gmail.com.
[NOTE: I reserve the right to accept or decline any guest posts as per my personal discretion]. - You are also allowed to link in a relevant Twitter thread, artwork, or podcast episode as well if you’d like!
- Remember to tag your tweets with #BloggerLoveLanguage!
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