No worries! Thank you so much for the affirmations and support, Sara, it really means a lot to me. And I’m really glad to hear that it’s something you foresee coming back to for help with things not quite the same, but where you can find some helpful bits in my rantings above haha. That’s always my hope tbh, that somebody out there reads one of my posts likes this and it helps them in some way, if even just to feel less alone in their own struggles.

I almost didn’t post it at all cause I was feeling super insecure airing my feelings and struggles like this, but this comment makes me really glad that I did! Thank you for sharing your experiences as well!

Edit that i slightly misunderstood that first quote because I was projecting someone else’s experience onto it, whoops, my mistake.

Some parts of this really spoke to me. This reminded me a lot of the reframing I was suggesting a dear friend who was struggling with a not-exactly-breakup try to do: “I think that part of the difficulty is that we’re not treating it as a traditional breakup so much as a transition from a triad to close platonic besties who are also affectionate with one another.” This kind of thing is so hard! And I wish you the best with it. Even though that makes it hard in a way, I think it’s healthier for the friendship than treating it like a traditional breakup might be? I dunno. But for me, part of the beauty of polyamory and nonmonogamy is the ability to let relationships take whatever form makes most sense for the people involved. (Speaking of making most sense, IDK if this does, my brains are a bit off today…)

Also, the paragraph that starts “I need to accept that right now” hits the nail on the head with practicing acceptance and not hoping for things that it would do harm to hope for. I may need to reread it for my own purposes for unrelated things of my own.

Seriously, Nillin. Wishing you well, and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings here.