In just over 6 months from now, on August 23, 2024, my first solo book, How Do I Sexy? A Guide for Trans and Nonbinary Queers, finally hits store shelves. Here you’ll find everything about this release including the official synopsis, endorsements from other authors and sex educators, as well as a comprehensive list of all of the ways you can pre-order and purchase the book.
What’s it about? “What even is “sexy,” and how the hell do you do it? A tough question for trans and non-binary queers struggling to find their sexual selves in a landscape rife with misogynistic, transphobic and homophobic ideals and expectations. In How Do I Sexy?, Mx. Nillin Lore provides affirming and helpful direction based on over a decade of their own personal and professional experience as an educator, advocate, support worker and award-winning sex blogger.
You’re invited to do some deep introspection, find a look that feels right and gain insight on sexiness from fellow trans and nonbinary queers. You’ll also find valuable tips on navigating dating sites, finding community, managing rejection with grace and engaging in sexual relationships. Principled and compassionate, Mx. Lore will help you figure out who you want to be, who you want to be with and how to make it happen—both in the streets and between the sheets.”
Chapter Listing and Table of Contents
- Chapter One: The Ventura Effect
- Chapter Two: What the Heck Even Is “Sexy”?
- Chapter Three: Coping with Fear, Shame, Guilt and Insecurity
- Chapter Four: Making Your Personal Mantras
- Chapter Five: Saying No to Traditional Gender Roles and Other Toxic Ideals
- Chapter Six: Get Your Sexy On
- Chapter Seven: Dating, Flirting and Finding Community
- Chapter Eight: Trans Queer-Affirming Sex: What It Is and How To Have It
- Conclusion: Eight Important Takeaways
- Glossary
- Resources
About the author: Mx. Nillin Lore (they/them) is an AuDHD, genderflux and queer activist, advocate, and educator based in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. They have had queer erotica stories published in a number of anthologies including Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year volumes 4–6 and The Big Book of Orgasms Volume 2 (Cleis Press). They co-authored a chapter of Trans Bodies, Trans Selves (Oxford University Press) and are the editor of Heckin’ Lewd: Trans and Nonbinary Erotica.
Where to buy? There are numerous online stores carrying How Do I Sexy?, some of the bigger ones are:
I also strongly encourage folks to buy local, if you can! Many cities have an LGBTQ+ friendly and affirming bookstore in them. For folks in Canada, here are a few I recommend contacting about pre-orders (this list is NOT exhaustive):
- Turning the Tide, Saskatoon, SK
- The Penny University Bookstore, Regina, SK
- Owl’s Nest Books, Calgary, AB
- Willow Press, Winnipeg, MB
- Cross & Crows Books, Vancouver, BC
- Glad Day Bookshop, Toronto, ON
- Venus Envy, Halifax, NS
Endorsements
“Mx. Nillin is a truly thoughtful writer whose work is always informative, frequently moving and often incredibly hot. Their sex blog is one of the best—they weave personal experience with education and advocacy so beautifully. Nillin’s work is sorely needed in a world where sex and pleasure is still seen in deeply reductive, binary ways. With their welcoming approach and ability to knit honesty and vulnerability with education, I can think of few better guides through the landscape of ‘sexy’ than Nillin!”
– Girl on the Net
“Nillin’s warmth, humor, and adventurousness are a shining light in the sex writing community. They live their queer, pervy life proudly, and in doing so, inspire others to be truer to themselves too. Reading their work serves as a wonderful reminder that sex is best when infused with fun, freedom, self-knowledge and self-expression.”
– Kate Sloan, Author of 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do
“I have such gratitude for this playful, affirming book. It brought me to tears to see my own personal experiences represented with such nuance and love. How Do I Sexy? explores the search for authentic pleasure within queer bodies that often eludes definition. So many books about human sexuality are written about us, rather than by us. The power of this book is that these are our stories, using our language and on our terms. I am thrilled to see it released in the world.”
– Orlando Silver, LGBTQ+ erotica writer and teacher
“Nillin’s work in the sex blogging community has that magical quality of being both hot and filthy, and educating and thought-provoking. They are one of the most authentic sex bloggers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. They share their joys and their hardships with equal honesty and bravery. Their work is truly a celebration of queer love and sex.”
– Molly Moore, creator of Molly’s Daily Kiss
“We don’t always get the kind of guidance for having and enjoying our sexuality in a positive and healthy way. That guidance comes in even shorter supply for our trans, nonbinary, and queer friends. Having a voice like Nillin’s writing on this topic is both spot on and wildly beneficial!”
– Kevin A. Patterson M.Ed., author of Love’s Not Color Blind: