Welcome to Day 16 of February Photofest 2019 on MxNillin.com
This was Toto’s favorite picture they took of me this month and I can definitely see why. I fucking LOVE the way I look here! Like, it’s kinda ideal body feels for me tbh. My tummy looks super cute, which is usually a huge point of insecurity for me, and there’s honestly very little that I can say to nitpick myself… which is weird because I’m usually incredibly self-conscious of all the pics I post, but I feel really good about this one!
After spending so much time on that mattress in this room over the past few weeks I’ve found myself feeling more and more comfortable with my body than I have in a long time. I think it helps that Toto has this really great knack for literally queering everything so that I haven’t felt even a hint of dysphoria at all.
At no point in time during any of the pictures they’ve taken of me, many of which are still to come, did I once feel like a “man” or a “woman”, both of which tend to happen a lot even when I take selfies. Instead, I always just felt like… Nillin! Just Nillin, of Nillin gender, wearing clothes and feeling hot in them.
The fact that I can look at this picture, at the picture posted yesterday, and the pictures coming up this week, and see myself as an aesthetic all to my own is genuinely really fucking exciting to me.
This is what gender fuckery means to me and I fucking love it.
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And be sure to click the February Photofest 2019 logo below to see pics from other bloggers participating in this year’s event!
5 thoughts on “A Look of My Own”
I love the feeling evoked in your writing here. I wish I could get to a place of being seen and seeing myself as me in all the ways. Sometimes I can, but more reminders are important also. And to take it to another level of being photographed by someone…maybe one day!
I love this photo! You look cozy on the plush pillows and colorful bedding. And the flower garland is such a sweet touch. <3
I love this photo too. The flowers really take it up a notch.
Hooray! I LOVE that feeling of “at home in my body-ness.” And it always happens to me at some point in this month of photo posts too. Plus I love this picture. The flowers on your thigh are such a lovely whimsical touch 🙂
Right!? It is SUCH a good feeling. I haven’t been feeling it a lot in recent months, which tells me I need to spend more time appreciating myself and finding what feels good. This month has been fantastic for that!