Finding My Sexy When Self-Care Goes South

[CW: sexual explicit photos and discussion of trauma and abuse.]

It’s always hard coming out the other side of a severe depression spiral. Especially when you weren’t even aware you were in one until a debilitating, 3-day long anxiety attack and its after-effects hit you right in the fucking gut.

So, that’s been my week.

Basically, as much as I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m doing alright, that I’m strong, and that I’m looking after myself just fine… truth is that I’m not doing alright and I haven’t been looking after myself very well at all lately.

The last few months have been… hard. Very hard. Kate had a member of her family pass away, then one of our pets died, then I was in a car accident after a man ran a stop sign and slammed into me, and late last month the financial and emotional toll of officially being unemployed for 1-year finally sunk in.

That was already a lot to handle, yet on top of it all I’ve also recently been dealing with some tough realizations about emotional, and a couple instances of physical, abuse throughout my childhood.

Self-care has, unfortunately, fallen by the wayside for a while now. I haven’t been shaving as much, haven’t been showering, haven’t been sleeping well, and I haven’t been taking any nudes really either. Which for me is a big deal because taking nudes has always been a vital part of my mental health and wellness as a queer enby exploring their sexuality.

Last weekend, before the breakdowns, I finally took a few and shared them with my partners. It felt really great, in more ways than one, and really affirmed that I should take the time to celebrate and appreciate myself more often.

Because through all of this I still deserve to feel good about myself, to feel attractive, and to feel pleasure.

Here are a few of those pics I took: