Welcome to the third installment of “Mx Nillin Fucks…”, a new blog post series in which I stick my girl cock inside a wide variety of inanimate objects, mostly foods so far, as masturbatory aids and then write about how that goes. I have no idea what is or isn’t going to make me orgasm, but I’m curious to find out and I hope that you are too!
So far I’ve walked in the path of Jason Biggs by having my way with some warm apple pie, then I went the complete opposite direction and got it on with a whole lot of jell-o [28 servings to be exact]. Both were… pretty awful. The pie was super fucking stressful with all of these hot pockets of molten apple goo to navigate even after you think you’ve left it to cool for long enough. And the Jell-O? Oh god… it’s like having sex with the cold corpse of Flubber. Do NOT recommend.
Regardless, though, as much as I’ve ranted about it please know that I am having fun with this new series and I’m pretty stoked about this installment’s item due to the potential for an actual orgasm happening.
But enough of all that, let’s get to why you’re here. After the last post was a poll for what y’all wanted me to fuck next, and the results have spoken:
That’s right, I’mma fuck a PB&J sandwich.
How Much Does It Cost to Fuck It?
Do you have peanut butter in your cupboard, jam in your fridge, and some bread on your counter (or frozen in your freezer)? Yes? Awesome. Then this fucktoy has already been paid for. Booya!
If you don’t have all of these ingredients then it’s off to the store with you where, unsurprisingly, costs will vary tremendously depending on the grocery chain, product brand, your location, and potential sales or discounts going on.
I am confident in saying that you can likely do this for $10 or less though; which is great when you consider that you’ll get multiple uses out of all this, only having to replenish bread as you go through it/it expires.
Total cost: $10-ish (Canadian) for initial bread and condiments.
NOTE: make sure that you buy the smooth peanut butter, do NOT buy chunky. Jagged chunks of nuts + your tender shaft = bad news bears. Just don’t fucking do it.
How Much Prep Will This Take?
Have you ever made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before? That much prep…
I gotta say though, This shit is an ART.
It’s all about balance. Having the right bread and the right ratio of peanut butter to jelly really will make all of the difference here in regards to everything from the overall enjoyment to clean-up afterward.
Go with the wrong kind of bread (ie; cheap no-name stuff) and that thing will be falling apart in your hands after just a couple of jerks. Have too much peanut butter on there and you’ll be tearing that bread up, PLUS struggling with clumps of the stuff stuck in your pubes. Have too much jelly and more will be oozing out onto the floor than serving as effective lubricant for your sandwich fucking session.
But with a little patience, and some trial and error, there is the potential here for some genuinely great ‘bating.
What Is It Like to Fuck?
Not that bad, actually! Like, no jokes, it felt pretty fucking great to be honest. There were legit several points I felt like I could cum from this and had I been 17 again I’d probably be splurting into this thing within moments.
I was surprised that the Wonder Bread held up pretty well. I started off thrusting into it slowly, taking my time to experiment with the best way to hold it and actually felt myself getting pretty close to an orgasm. Here’s the thing though: bread is like a sponge. It soaks up that jelly and no matter how slow you take it, eventually, it’s going to get soggy and break down.
Also, it looks fucking ridiculous. I mean, look:
That’s a dick in a sandwich… it’s just not sexy. Feels great! Looks silly as fuck… and yeah, that kinda kills the mood a bit so, I guess, don’t look at it and think of something that’s not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
A MUCH better alternative though is french bread.
Not only is there more bread to work with but it is much heartier, easier to hold, and feels closer to being like a masturbation sleeve than anything else I’ve fucked so far in this series.
Definitely keep a lot of extra jelly on hand to reapply for lube as needed though… because you WILL need it. This shit dries up fast.
The clean-up on this is a pain in the ass too. Not only was there leaked jelly all over the floor but even with careful consideration my girl cock, lady balls, black lace panties, and tank top, were a MESS. Peanut butter everywhere, ya’ll.
So, this one didn’t get me off either. You know what though?
6 out of 10, would try fucking again.
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