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The First Person

Posted on February 14, 2019February 15, 2019 by MxNillin

Welcome to Day 14 of February Photofest 2019 on MxNillin.com

People always look at me weird when I say that I’m in a long-term, complicated, polyamorous relationship with myself; but it’s true! I mean, generally speaking, I’ve shared more intimacy, romance, and vulnerability with myself than any other person on the planet and if this relationship isn’t healthy then it tends to make my other relationships unhealthy as well.

So, this Valentine’s Day I’m making a very concerted effort to not only acknowledge my relationship with myself, but to also celebrate it and commit to treating myself better. Though depression and anxiety will make it hard, I deserve that work. I deserve to hear nice things about me from myself, to be affirmed, to be encouraged, supported, and loved. I need to minimize my negative self-talk. Challenge those insecurities, while speaking over the uncertainty, feelings of imposter syndrome, and self-hate.

Because the fact is that I’m my own first love, my first infatuation, my first heartbreak, and first partner, all in one.

I’m the first person I was ever intimate with. The first person I ever sensually touched, and was touched by. The first person I ever felt such great pleasure with, and such immense pain from.

There never has been, and never will be, a day that ends without me falling asleep with myself, then waking up to me the next morning. And when I look myself in the eyes in the mirror I want to be able to confidently say that I treated myself right.

Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for a new photo! To see unused pics from this month, advanced previews of posts, and behind the scenes content, become a patron on my Patreon.

And be sure to click the February Photofest 2019 logo below to see pics from other bloggers participating in this year’s event!

February Photofest

 

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  • 6 thoughts on “The First Person”

    1. Megan Ashley says:
      February 15, 2019 at 12:04 am

      SUCH A GORGEOUS PHOTO OF YOU, MY GOD!

      Reply
      1. MxNillin says:
        February 15, 2019 at 1:19 am

        Ahhh thank you so much! I FEEL gorgeous. Just wait till you see a bunch of the upcoming pics! My friend Toto took them of me and they make me feel fabulous as fuck haha.

        Reply
    2. Ruth says:
      February 14, 2019 at 1:13 pm

      Ah really moved by this post, it’s words I need to say to myself! Thank you for putting into words what I couldn’t 🙂
      Love Ruth

      Reply
      1. MxNillin says:
        February 14, 2019 at 2:56 pm

        I’m so glad to hear that the post was moving for you! Thank you for reading and sharing!

        Reply
    3. Mrs Fever says:
      February 14, 2019 at 12:32 pm

      I like your perspective on first love; having a healthy relationship with one’s self is key to being able to build healthy relationships with others. 🙂

      Reply
      1. MxNillin says:
        February 14, 2019 at 2:58 pm

        Thank you! I still struggle a lot with negative self-talk and all that jazz but looking at my relationship with myself as just that, a relationship, has REALLY helped me treat myself a lot better in recent years.

        Reply

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