I’ve been having a lot of trouble keeping up with writing on the blog lately and it’s been bumming me out a little. Not that this is super uncommon. My motivation and excitement can kind of come and go in waves depending on what else is going on in my life, but January is usually a time of renewed passion around writing and that just isn’t really happening this year.
I definitely think the fact that I’m writing a book has at least something to do with this. For those who didn’t know, I’ve been busy working on my first solo-book, “How Do I Sexy? A Guide for Trans and Nonbinary Queers” for just over a year now and this past week finally saw me reach the end of all of my substantive edits and copyediting. It’s been an amazing yet immensely exhausting experience.
The book is truly a reflection of my life’s passion, bringing together all of my advocacy and activism efforts toward empowering trans and nonbinary queers in embracing their authentic selves, pursuing their desires, enjoying queer positive sexuality and pleasure, and forging the enriching relationships they deserve with partners who empower and uplift them. I’m so damn proud of it, but I’m also wiped.
There’s more to the lack of inspiration though. I’m feeling a really big disconnect with my sexual self lately. I’m not really getting as much out of masturbation as I typically do and don’t really have a lot to say about sex or sexuality and stuff right now. I think seasonal depression is a part of that but I’m also not feeling good about my body or about my gender expression either. It’s made feeling desirable and engaging with my kings challenging. So it’s this cocktail of part dysphoria, part anxiety, and part existential dread. I’m turning 38 this year and having a lot of feelings about that.
Next month is February Photofest. While there’s a part of me that really wants to participate in it I’m not confident that I’ll be able to keep up and I worry that may make me feel like I’ve somehow failed. I think I might try at least some posts though, see how it feels without fully committing to the entire month. Maybe it could be an opportunity to focus on some body positivity for myself! I’ve struggled a lot with taking nudes and lewd selfies, so focusing on feeling sexy and reconnecting with my sexual self at my own pace might be good for me.
No promises, but I hope I can find some more ways to get excited about blogging again!
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