Erectile dysfunction (ED) is rough. Even just talking about it can be a challenge, especially when you’re younger like me (I’m just turning 38) and everyone seems to think that this shouldn’t be a problem for you right now. Yet for the last few years I’ve silently been struggling with it following a series of situations that lead to some deeply affecting emotional distress and negative thinking around sex.
What usually happens is I’m about to get it on with a cutie when my brain starts to zero in on being a memorable experience for them. I fixate on doing a good job at foreplay, centring their pleasure above all else, and generally do what I can to get them off as much as possible. I want them to be really satisfied, and for them to find me satisfying in turn. Once they get more interested in my cock, touching me, trying to return the same pleasure I’ve shown them, that’s when problems start happening.
As soon as I start to think about getting a boner, making sure it stays hard, and fucking the other person for as long and sustained as I can… things shut down. I worry about cumming too quickly, or not being about to cum at all, or about not being big enough for them, or hard enough, or dominant enough, and then that directly leads to, you guessed it, a flaccid cock. From there it’s a straight spiral down. Have they noticed? Are they upset? Disappointed? Are they going to gossip about me to everyone after? Even when I’m not spiralling like this, I still find my anxiety can just get really high around sexy times on occasion.
Fortunately, ED doesn’t affect all of my relationships. With certain people, I seem to be mostly okay. I do alright with my partners, most of the time. However, hookups, which I used to enjoy a lot, are a different story. I stress out almost every time when I’m playing with somebody new, even if it’s just masturbating in a car with them. Generally speaking I’ve been very hesitant in pursuing intimate connections of any kind with others due to this.
The crux of it seems to have come from my time in isolation back in 2021. In the time since then I’ve found myself in a series of unhealthy relationships and living situations that have each contributed to a mounting stress about my worth as a partner, lover, and friend. This included an ex who really laid into me over several months, telling me how much I was letting them down in and outside of the bedroom despite my best efforts, and being sexually assaulted on a date last summer. It’s all just added up and it’s made sex, something I love doing, my hobby, really difficult to engage with in any affirming ways.
But lucky me, turns out there’s a fucking magical thing out there called Viagra! Now, I may not be in the age bracket in which it’s typically, but my doctor was happy to give me some samples to use as needed and let me tell you… this shit is incredible. If you’ve never used Viagra before it’s a little tablet you take about half-an-hour, to an hour, before sexy times. Once it’s in your system, sexual stimulation and arousal will typically lead to a much harder erection, that can stay firm even after ejaculating, and it lowers your refractory period so that you can fuck again quicker then you’d be able to otherwise.
I haven’t taken it with anybody else yet, though I did take a half tablet to see what it was like, and it did not disappoint. It was easily one of the best masturbation sessions I’ve ever had. Being able to cum multiple times in a row while staying hard was seriously so much fun and I can’t wait to try it out with a partner or friend soon.
If you’ve been struggling with ED as well, regardless of your age, please, talk to you doctor about it. There’s no shame at all in getting something prescribed to you so that you can enjoy your sex life again with more comfort and confidence. I’m not sure how long I’ll need to use them myself, but I’m glad I worked through the stigma associated with all of this and got something that’s going to make a big difference for my enjoyment of non-monogamy and hookups going forward.
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I use viagra a lot. Very helpful for getting and studying hard
Glad that it’s helped you as well! I really appreciate that it’s an option. It’s really fun to have on hand!