As a non-binary queer with a beard who constantly gets misgendered all the tme, it’s important to me that if I’m going to have my identity consistently misunderstood and dismissed, then at the very least I want to look and feel queer as fuck. I want to be able to catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a window and “okay, holy fuck, wow, I’m fucking gay!”
There’s a real sort of power to being a fat, hairy, bearded human who blatantly, and self-assuredly embraces their gender non-conformity and fuckery. It’s something I’ve seen in some others and strive to embody in myself as well.
Sadly, I’ve struggled with that a lot for various reasons as of late. Namely in that since my separation and weight gain during the pandemic I haven’t really had a lot in the way of affirming clothes that makes me feel cute and awesome. Lucky for me, what I do have is a bunch of loving partners with a great sense of style to help me make what I do have work more for me!
For example, my boyfriend Fenric has been doing some outstandingly homoerotic makeup on me, helping get those already stunning eyes of mine to pop extra hard. It’s made a massive difference to me and has helped me re-frame my perspective on my own gender expression, which I’ve been feeling really insecure in for quite a while now.
I know that logically there is no one way to “look queer/non-binary”, but the problem is I haven’t been feeling it either. To a degree, I think that I went back into the closet a little bit, at least to myself. Definitely a trauma response, for sure, but it’s well past time I really reclaim my gender, re-connect with myself, and prioritize some loving, affirming self-care and self-talk.
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