Confession: I fucking love Tinder. My kitten does too and we’re actually on it a lot together, though not for the reasons you might think. We’re not looking for a third, we’re not unicorn hunters – though group sex is always on the table with those who are interested – we’re not even looking for something that falls neatly into any one label. We have separate dating profiles, with separate wants and desires, and are looking for uniquely fulfilling and enriching connections and experiences with others!
While the term carries with it a lot of potentially problematic baggage I would say that to some degree I’m a relationship anarchist. I see my friendships and partnerships as more of a big mashed up grey area rather than strictly defined categories of emotional, and sometimes even sexual, intimacy. That’s not to say that my partnerships are something that I take lightly, moreso it’s that my friendships just don’t automatically take a backseat for me in favor of them.
As somebody who has two queerplatonic partners, friendship to me is both a fundamental aspect of those bonds, and it’s something that I don’t see as inherently less important than a romantic connection. Of course it helps that I’m aromantic and generally feel more more comfortable in an intimate FWBs dynamic than most typical dating situations because I don’t really have much interest in the whole relationship escalator. In fact, the whole idea that I should want on that escalator by default is frustrating as fuck. It’s all part of the general concept of amatonormativity, which Elizabeth Brake describes as the “widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship.”
So, on Tinder, what I’m looking for is more besties with benefits, date friends, or even queerplatonic partners maybe. Also, great sex! Ideally, that is. Cause I’m a unapologetically, horny as fuck trans queer and I love hooking up with other trans queer cuties!
Speaking of trans queer cuties, here are the five primary reasons that I will likely swipe right on your Tinder profile to hopefully match:
You’re self-identified as some combination of queer, trans, bisexual, polyamorous, non-monogamous, or demi.
I mean, obviously, right? Fact is that it’s hard navigating most dating apps, Tinder included, as a queer person, let alone one who’s also trans and polyam, because of people’s misconceptions and prejudices about those identities. Generally speaking, I have more positive interactions and outlooks with other members of the community. Especially when compared to cisgender and heterosexual folks who either treat me as a curious outlier to chat with whenever they want a glimpse at queerness, just match with me so that they can message me some patronizing “love wins, you’re awesome!” message without actually wanting to invest in any sort of real conversations, or struggle to respect the various aspects of who I am and make me do all of their emotional labor to educate them.
I ain’t got time for that! I’m here to bone down like everybody else! Fact is that cute trans queers are a hell of a good time without all the other crap that sometimes comes with non-LGBTQIA+ folks. They’re also much more likely to be open to non-traditional dynamics like polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, queerplatonic partnerships, date friends, besties with benefits, etc. At least in my experience, that is.
For reals though, the amount of times I’ve had somebody who describes themself as an “ally” swipe right on me only to message me “I just wanted to say you’re so brave and inspiring” but then not actually want to talk or pursue any sort of connection, is frustrating as fuck. It happens way more than you’d think it would. I don’t need or want that… I’m on a dating/hook-up app for a reason and that reason isn’t people going out of their way to feel good about themselves by sending me hollow platitudes. You’ll get no allyship cookies from me.
You’ve got piercings, tattoos, and/or very colorful, very gay hair.
Look, I’m not saying that absolutely everybody with piercings, tattoos, and a green sidecut or mohawk is queer, but I am saying that enough of them are that I have almost never swiped right and it turned out that the badass, cute punk femme was strictly cishet. Besides, all of those things are fucking hot. It’s a good look on anyone, and nothing’s gonna change my mind about that!
You’re a big fucking nerd.
The nerdier the better! If I see pics of you chilling out in a Pikachu onesie, or going all out on a cosplay, or just looking hella cute in your headset while sitting in your gaming chair, then fuck yeah I’m swiping right! Bonus points to those who list all the nerdy stuff they’re into in their profiles too. It doesn’t even have to be anything mainstream too. Like, if you’re into Marvel movies and video games, then I dig that but you can also be a book nerd, or math nerd, or hobby nerd too. I see you and I feel you, nerds! Let’s hang out!
I know you in person and/or we’re peers of some kind.
Look, I love sex and I love having it with all genders and all body types. Chances are that if we’re friends, coworkers, or community and/or professional peers, and have interacted on a few occasions then yeah, I’ve wondered what you might look like naked and have probably fantasized about us fucking at one point or another. So, if I’m scrolling through Tinder and I see you on there, maybe sharing a few of your saucier photos, then you bet your ass I’m swiping right and hoping that you do too!
Like holy shit, we went to high school together!? Let’s catch up over a coffee and orgasms! Oh damn, is that so-and-so from my local LGBTQIA+ organization? Sweet! Let’s meet up after work on Thursday for tacos and oral sex!
Now, don’t get me wrong… if I feel that doing so may lead to any serious conflict of interest in our jobs, or any serious ethical concerns of some sort, than yeah I probably won’t. But even then, in an ideal world, I’d go on a date with or hook up with almost any of my friends and queer community pals without having to worry about all that “professional” world shit that doesn’t let us be the shame free, hyper-sexual beings we long to be. Fucking conformity and capitalism…
You’ve got a great butt.
I’m fucking horny, okay? It’s why I have a goddamn sex blog! All the above is great but I’m also 100% DTF.
Like, yeah, I love a nice smile and beautiful eyes… but I also really, really, really love asses. Asses are great. All of ’em. I love touching asses. I love squeezing asses. I love fucking asses. And yeah, I’m a fucking millennial and y’all better believe I love eating ass too. So, if you got a good booty and you’re showing it off in a cute, playful pose then chances are that even if your profile is otherwise completely devoid of any sense of interesting content showcasing who you are as a person… I’m still strongly considering swiping right.
What about y’all? What things do you look for in folks on dating apps like Tinder? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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