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Bouncing Back

Posted on July 3, 2022August 8, 2022 by MxNillin

It’s hard enough going through a succession of back to back breakups, but doing so while also in the midst of a brutal emotional low following months of being made to feel inadequate, insecure, like a failure, shamed about your other relationships, and generally bad about yourself in every conceivable way, is extra fucking rough.

The writing had been on the wall for a while, sadly. It’s always a hard sign for me to catch due to having depression, but I should have known something very serious was afoot in April once I started to lose interest in practically everything that previously brought me joy. I wasn’t writing as much, going weeks at a time without posting any content of any kind. I also wasn’t gaming, wasn’t watching any of the series I was excited about, wasn’t reaching out to folks as often, wasn’t doing much of anything, really. When I did write posts for the blog most communicated that I was struggling immensely with my self-worth, body image, and general mental health.

Even my sexy posts were laced with negative self-image issues.

With past emotional lows like this I would have self-destructed to some degree, then isolated heavily for an indeterminate period of time, but folks who care about me an awful lot simply wouldn’t allow it! My partners, Fenric, Queer Prairie Kitten, and fuckmeat, as well as my bestie with benefits, Kate, have all made sure to check on me lots while allowing me the space to vent, grieve, and otherwise talk through all that trauma and heartbreak that led to, and then came from, these recent breakups.

I was honestly fucking terrified that I’d lose all of them too, actually. But nope! Quite the opposite happened!

My nesting partner, Verne, has been particularly patient and caring. Even as I’d been struggling a great deal with sex and intimacy these past several months, definitely in large part due to the profound amount of stress I’d been under from everything going on, they’ve shown me nothing but love, compassion, and care. Never placing high expectations on me, never making demands, never guilting or shaming me for having a hard time with impotency and anxiety, they’ve instead met me where I am while still communicating their desires and being open to compassionate compromise.

Oh, and they’ve given me handjobs! Low expectations, friendly, playful handjobs.

I really do have the best partners.

 

 

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  • 6 thoughts on “Bouncing Back”

    1. molly says:
      July 6, 2022 at 8:52 am

      being given time to heal and grief and still being loved and cared for through that is such a powerful thing. Just letting someone feel and not trying to manage that, well so many people are not great at it so I am glad you had people around you who gave you that

      Also handjobs are one of my favourite things to give a partner. There is something about it, about being able to really watch them as they just lay back and enjoy the pleasure that I find really hot but also intimate and loving

      Molly

      Reply
      1. MxNillin says:
        July 8, 2022 at 2:39 pm

        SO true! Having folks around to show me love and affection while dealing with so much heartache and hurt has proven to be profoundly helpful.

        And handjobs are so underrated, for exactly the reason you mentioned! It’s really fun and wildly sexy just, like, playing with your partner, watching their reactions, experimenting with sensation and touch, and slowly figuring out what gets them off. Doing so with your hands is just next level exciting haha.

        Reply
    2. Rowan says:
      July 6, 2022 at 8:29 am

      It really difficult for me to travel right now, but you and Verne are always welcome here if you need a change of scenery ❤️ It’s been too long my friend ❤️ Miss you

      Reply
      1. MxNillin says:
        July 6, 2022 at 8:18 pm

        Yeah travel is rough rn, even just from a cost of gas point haha. But I really appreciate the offer! It really has been too long, I miss you too and think about you often xoxo

        Reply
    3. JerBear says:
      July 5, 2022 at 10:51 am

      I’m so glad you were able to work through all that and come out the other end.

      I’m pulling for you to continue on this track.

      Reply
      1. MxNillin says:
        July 6, 2022 at 10:47 pm

        Thank you so much! Really appreciate the kind, affirming, and encouraging words!

        Reply

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