Wow, it has been a while since I’ve done one of these. Two years, in fact! When I used to do them I think I took them a little too literally. When I didn’t end up experiencing as much of my fucket lists as I’d hoped I’d feel pretty bummed out about it, like I had somehow failed or not had as great a time as I’d hoped. The first few years of me doing it were particularly challenging, in part because I was still trying to figure out what I actually wanted, and also because I was in some pretty unhealthy bonds. But I’ve come to realize that it’s not so much about experiencing everything on these lists in a year as it is about exploring what my sexual needs, wants, and desires are in general.
Besides, turns out that I did eventually do a bunch of fun fucket and bucket list stuff! It just took a little longer than expected.
For example, from my 2020 lists I managed to get through a lot of that over the course of 2021 and 2022. I did end up having a lot more group sex, dated more cute queers, and found worthwhile FWBs. I also had a bunch more outdoor sex, did a lot more pet play, I went camping, went to more orgies and gangbangs, and got my queer erotica published in more anthologies. I also achieved an unexpected milestone with editing an anthology of my own for the first time in Heckin’ Lewd: Trans and Nonbinary Erotica.
There’s one that’s been lingering since 2017 for me though: host a masturbation party. It’s been on every fucket list I’ve ever made. I think it’d be a lot of fun, especially with a social component that included folks bringing their favourite sex toys, talking about them, sharing and showing how they like to masturbate, and everyone just enjoying this fun exhibitionism and voyeurism environment with mutual orgasms. And it’s a completely attainable thing for me too! I have wonderful partners and some great friends who I think would enjoy that sort of thing, so it’s certainly right up there in terms of must have experiences for me.
Not that it has to happen for me to feel sexually fulfilled this year. It’s definitely a want more than a need. In that same calibre I’d also really love to experience:
- somebody fucking me and cumming inside of me,
- orgasming/ejaculating in front of an audience of partners and/or friends,
- having several people touching me all over my body at once,
- sucking multiple dicks in a row/at the same time, and getting covered in cum shots,
- having sex outdoors in a very open and scenic environment, like a field or along a river,
- and, getting another double blowjob! Which I’ve been wanting for years tbh.
There are absolutely some needs for me too though. Not that I’d be devastated if they didn’t happen, but these are things that would positively impact my mental health and wellness, as well as my self-esteem. Some things that would be profoundly positive for me this year include:
- exuberantly embracing and exploring my kinks, such as eating more ass, doing more pet play, and delving into newer thing like piss play too,
- having more group play and sex with my partners, polycule, and friends, than I have been as of late,
- reconnecting with my non-monogamous needs in a safe way that respects my boundaries and current relationships,
- getting outside and doing significantly more public sex and masturbation this summer,
- and going on a roadtrip or two, ideally with lots of fun roadtrip sex, of course.
What it mostly comes down to though is my need for sensory considerate and emotionally safe feeling gatherings. Stuff that’s not, like, out at a loud bar, or with too big of a guest lists, or that any of my abusive exes might show up to. Movie cuddle nights, chill backyard hangouts, small kink play socials, all of those are more my speed.
But I can’t expect others to create those spaces for me. Ultimately, I think that I have to start being proactive and making these things happen for myself because I can’t seem to find anywhere else that’s been a good fit, or where I truly feel comfortable. While I might not exactly have access to everything I’ll need to meet these needs, I happen to have a pretty lovely polycule whom I can turn to for help with all of this, and that feels pretty great.
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