I’ve always felt a little weird about my transition, like there wasn’t really much that I could do to address the dysphoria that I experience because its almost always socially based, and only very rarely based around my genitals and body. Despite the more physical gender feelings, I generally do not want any form of medical or surgical transition for myself. I do actually like my penis and while I sometimes very sincerely wish I was born AFAB transmasc, I don’t feel there’s a medically based transition path for that would actually reap the results I’d want.
So far, a lot of transition for me has been based in my name, pronouns, clothing, and overall embracing my queerness. That’s meant not trying to deepen my voice, stifle any of my “softer” mannerisms, not worrying about how I’m sitting, or standing, or acting, or sounding, as being “too queer”. In fact, nowadays I worry that I don’t sit, or stand, or move, or sound “queer enough”!
I’ve always said that one of the most uplifting things I can do for myself is to dye my hair. It’s consistently been this accessible, very visible way for me to express my gender nonconformity and queerness that feels impactful both internally and externally for me. By that I mean that I feel affirmingly queerer because I look affirmingly queerer! I’ve been growing out my hair for almost a year now and intend on keeping it up, but it’s a process and the end goal is still far away. Long term I’m hoping for a mid-back length hella gay side-cut.
And continuing to rock my very gay, silver fox beard, which has long been a source of genderqueer reclamation for me unlike any other efforts I’ve ever tried.
But then came my belated Christmas gift from Fenric, a nose bridge piercing… holy fucking gender euphoria, fam! It hadn’t really occurred to me that my piercings could be considered as a part of my gender expression and transition, but fuck yeah they can and getting this most recent one has helped me really re-appreciate the others as well. I definitely want more! Gotta get at least the helix of both my ears, and possibly elsewhere on my body too though I haven’t thought too much on that yet.
As I continue to struggle with negative body image and self-worth it’s real important for me to be taking note of what inspires the good feels. And let me tell you, these piercings feel amazing.
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